One of those days, last week I swung from 1 to 0. There I was sitting at school and discussing in class, voicing my opinion, getting my papers back, beaming over the fact that the professor put her hands on my shoulders and said, ‘I am so happy that you are in this class. You have some great ideas. I loved your papers. Can I have a copy of it for reference and can I use it for my other classes?’. Naturally, I was in cloud nine. I come home, pick up the kids and look at them from this huge self created pedestal only to fall face down, break my nose and end up crying all curled up in fetal position.

None other than the great Mieja is capable of waving this kind of magic. Well, she screams. This has been going on for quite some time now. Screaming is how she communicates and I have to interpret the scream in to – ‘I want water’, ‘I want water in pink cup’, ‘I want the white straw also, don’t give me just the cup’, ‘My sister is touching me’, ‘My sister is looking at me’, ‘My sister is looking at that toy that I might want to play few hours from now’……etc. There is no pointing, no action, just a plain, high pitched screams. I have to interpret what the scream means, which is purely trial and error, and by the time I get an idea of what she wants, she screams again to let me know that ‘What took you soooo long dud? Now I don’t want it any more’. It is not easy.

Initially the screams bothered me, but I thought it was funny. When the day care provider told me that Mieja screamed so much that the children at day care complained that it was too noisy to sleep and didn’t sleep – thought it was kind of cute.

Then I was concerned but I was patient. If, I guessed that she is screaming for water, I kneel next to her with a cup of water, hand it to her and tell her, ‘Amma thanni venum, please’ (meaning: Amma can I have some water please). So that she will learn to communicate using words. Has absolutely no effect on her. Some times made me wonder if her hearing and speech is in order. Well the kid passed the new born hearing screening, she does respond to her name, when some one standing 25 feet away from her speak the word Barney she immediately points to the TV, when I say A-M-M-A, she repeats it. So she can hear (**Sigh of relief**) and can talk (**double sigh of relief**).

Last week, was bad as in B.A.D. From 4.00PM to 7.30PM it was screaming every 45 seconds. At some point of time, she closed both her ears with both her hands and was screaming as if she has a headache hearing her own screams. I just couldn’t take it. I tried distracting. She didn’t want to read books, she didn’t want to be left alone, she didn’t want to be with us, she didn’t want to be held, she didn’t want to dance, she didn’t want to listen to her favorite songs, she didn’t even want to watch TV. And with another child to tend to there is only so much I can do.

Chula was carefully absorbing all this like a sponge and an hour in to this madness, started screaming to get attention. A one minute lecture about using words and not succumbing to peer pressure did the trick and thankfully she stopped screaming. But she was very keenly observing my reaction to the screams and started imitating me – she did the grinding the teeth, rubbing the fore head with both the hands, closed her eyes and shook her head disapprovingly, went to her sister and said ‘N.O…S.C.R.E.A.M.I.N.G…. I.T…. I.S… N.O.T….. F.U.N.N.Y’ enunciating every syllable very clearly. She did all my routines better than me myself. Then she came to me and asked me with a curious expression, ‘Well, amma, is Mieja going to get a time out?’. I didn’t give Mieja a time out although I seriously considered hitting her with an intention to cause her pain and fear.

I was going mad. As with any good mother the bad guilt took over – Is she in pain? Is she desperately trying to tell me something and I am so dense and not getting it? What was I doing wrong? May be I must have read to her more. May be I must have talked to her more. May be I must not have had her in the first place because I was clearly not doing justice to both my children. May be I must have had some one from India staying with me because I don’t seem to be doing so well on my own. What kind of mother was I even to think of hitting her with the intention of hurting her?

In the middle of all this mess, dinner time arrived. After an hour I was sitting with a plate half full. Only because she spit the other half on my face. Then I did something I have never done with Chula and something I would have never done normally. I changed her diaper and put the child down in her crib without getting some food in to her. People who know me know that me giving up on the children’s food is a BIG thing for me. Thankfully she willing curled up in her crib. I spoke to her for a while about how this nonstop screaming is affecting and upsetting me. She has to use words or at least point to things. I had tears streaming from eyes as I was talking to her. I don’t know if she understood but was at least calm and made eye contact. Then she squeezed her left hand through the crib railings and put her palm on my teary cheek, with her right thumb safely tucked in to her mouth.

One week update: She is trying to communicate.
Cuukie – Thokki(Lift me)
Wayye – water
Awwa – Agua(Water in Spanish)
Affane – Elephant
Taakkie – Doggie, sometimes for any animal or bird.
Tukiee – Duckie
Haanswish – What’s this? (Please don’t ask me the connection. She points to pictures and says haanswish. Even now it is a wild guess that haanswish translates to What’s this.)
Peen – Plane
Atthhi – nethi(Means forehead in tamil)
Aishhhee – icecream
Oon – Moon
Mine – This was probably the first word in her vocabulary. Her day care provider says that, she picks up a random toy, walks to every child in her day care, thrusts this toy in to their face with a fierce ‘MINE’.

Chula observed that I am enunciating words to Mieja and is trying to do the same. The kids were sitting at the dining table, I was getting their dinners ready. Mieja pointed to something and said ‘haanswish’, before I could respond, Chula chimed in enunciating the words ‘B A L L’, ‘C L O W N’…etc and read the whole book to Mieja!

She is trying to repeat what ever I am telling her.
Me(Pointing to stop sign): Kannamma, that is a stop sign. That’s why we are stopping.
Mieja: Saap shaish

Sometimes Mieja screams and then puts her right index finger in to her mouth and says ‘Shhh-shhh-shhh’.

Hope the streak continues.