My mom is from a big family. She has one older brother and four younger sisters. My aunts and uncle put together I have 6 cousins on my mother’s side. My dad has one older brother, one older sister and one younger sister. Again, 6 cousins from my father’s side. But there is a messy family politics(MUCH messier in my mother’ side than my father’s side) involved, in to which I choose not to dwell. Inspite of having shared the same womb, same blood, the extent to which the siblings would go to spite one another was something that scared (or should I say scarred) me for life. Through out school life, I missed having a sibling around. When you really want something, life has a way of giving it you. In my case, life gave me four( 3 + 1*) great friends. You know the coolest part? I could share good feelings, my sorrows, without having to share material things. Yippeee! Every thing has a silver lining folks, E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G

Chula and Mieja 15 months apart and being the same sex, one doubt I had in my mind was – these girls are going to be competing for the same resources for the rest of their lives. That scared me. I do not want them to nurse grudges and let jealousy ruin their relationship.

One of my attempt to foster attachment is I try to make them communicate directly. For instance, if Mieja wants something, like a bottle opened, to be read a picture book, opening an umbrella and if I think Chula can handle it, I tell Mieja to ask her elder sister. Pretty soon, when Mieja can do more things, I plan to extend this role mutually (because I think 15 month old difference is too little to establish the older sibling – younger sibling hierarchy). So far Chula has obliged and is pleased as plum when she is being asked for help.

As a result of all this, I think Mieja thinks Chula is MUCH older than her. The other day Chula wanted me to read a book like her teacher (meaning, me sitting on a chair and read the book as if some one would read a book to a big group as opposed to our regular reading sessions in which both the children are piled up on my lap). Mieja walked in and tried to climb on my lap. I gently nudged her and pointed to the floor and asked her to sit on the floor, otherwise she will not be able to see the book. She immediately went and sat on Chula’s lap! Chula gladly indulged, ‘Oh baby. I can’t see. Here sit like this, now we both can see. Okay?’ That was totally cute

Another thing I have started doing, during bath time(which is common for the girls), I ask them each two questions. ‘What was that one good thing you did for your Chula/Mieja today?’, ‘What was that your Chula/Mieja did today, made you very happy?’

Chula invariably answers, ‘Amma, I scrub my sister’ or ‘I read a book for Mieja’ for the first question. For the second it is always, ‘Amma, Mieja came to my school to pick me up. I was so happy to see her.’

So far Mieja, being the Villupattu specialist she is, simply repeats the last word of her sister’s most recent statement. ‘I chub. I chub. Watuul.’, ‘Chula kool….’

Will they grow up to be good friends inspite of their differences? Only time can tell. Meanwhile, I am determined to do my best.

PS
*Boo, some how the ‘little sister’ image is plastered to my mind and hence I leave you out whenever I talk about friends. But you know what? Sisters can/must be friends. That’s what I expect from my girls. So from now on it is official, I have four great friends.

When we talk about children’s growth phases, ages two – seven years are called the pre-operational child, the phase before a child can become fully operational. The child is learning a lot of things. Language develops, she is learning to see other’s point of views. They learn symbolism and grasp abstract concepts. A child might behave in a manner that one might think ‘selfish’, but it is not. A behavior can be defined as selfish only when a person is fully capable of analyzing different point of views and prefer to do something that works best for them, even if it means inconveniencing the rest of the world. A child, before the age of seven cannot fully comprehend a situation, simply does not have the cognitive development to do so. She sees the world through HER eyes. Just because she thinks that she must have the toy, she thinks that every one around her, younger and older, think the same – that SHE must have the toy! A phrase called ‘egocentric’ was coined for this kind of behavior. Every one at some point of time would have noticed their child refer to herself in third person, for example Chula/Mieja saying ‘Chula/Mieja wants this.’ This is a perfect example of egocentrism. Many times I have noticed Chula/Mieja sitting in front of me, having some book facing them. They would point to the book and ask me what it is. It does not occur to them that I am sitting in front of them, not next to them and hence cannot see the book, but only the front cover of the book. In their little minds they truly believe that the whole world sees what they see. Egocentrism is not a bad thing just because the phrase ego is a part of it. Only when a child fully, completely understands her point of view, she can understand others point of views.

Couple of Wednesdays back hubby had a meeting and I was faced with the monumental task of getting both the children ready, drop them off at their respective school/day care and get to work, all before 8.30AM. This is how the dinning table conversations went.

Me: Chula, Mieja, appa has to go to work early. So I want your full co-operation. Okay?

Chula: Amma, where is appa?

Me: Appa is at work. Eat your cereal.

Chula: Amma, I want Chicka Chicka Boom Boom.

Me: Okay, I will read the book. But you must keep eating. Otherwise we will be late. If you stop eating, I will stop reading.

Mieja: Amma, I want markul.(markers for coloring)

Me: Kanamma, we are reading a book now. We focus on one thing at a time. Now see what is going to happen to the alphabets. {Shoving the next spoon of cereal in to the child’s mouth.}

Chula: Amma, I want to read it.

Me: Yes, after you finish your cereal. Because if you can’t read when you are eating. Remember you have to finish eating soon, otherwise we will be late.

Mieja: Amma, I want thee thee.

Me: Songs are for the evening. Now it is cereal time.

Mieja: I want ‘a – ba – ca – da’ song….

Me: Not now….

Chula: {But Chula has already started singing}…aa – ba – ca – da – e – fa – ga….

Me: Okay, akka is singing it right. Eat as you listen to the song.

So it just kept coming back to the same thing. I was on my one track mind, trying to get the kids strapped, loaded and ready to be dropped by a certain time and the kids where in their own world, which had no place words like co-operation, understanding, more importantly ‘TIME’. Hmmp.

As an adult, I still was in my own egocentric world. How can I expect the children not to do that? So I picked up the phone, called my work and left a message that I will be late and can come only between 9.00AM – 9.15AM as opposed to my regular time.

We all finished breakfast without any pressure, tears or drama and left for our respective destinations. Oh, btw, I reached work at 8.45. I was only 15 min late, as opposed my initial estimate of 45 minutes late. Its amazing how things roll smoothly once the pressure is off! Life is good.

Three weeks back there was a girl scouts event in our local Indian Community Center. As a (dormant) Tamil language teacher I was asked to come by and help out. The event was a tourist approach to introduce India to upper elementary and middle school children. They had several booths and one of it was a language booth. My role was to write the kids names in Tamil in a post card so that the kids can post the card to any one/anywhere.

What would I do if I get a post card from some one I know, with a script I can’t read? I would assume that this person I know is unloading some kind of abuse on me. To save the unknown reader from that confusion, I wrote the name in Tamil, with a postscript in English that says ‘name written in Tamil – a language spoken in the southern part of India’.

There I was sitting and writing names like Dobyns and Cassandra in Tamil. Initially there was a confusion if I must use ‘sha’ or ‘sa’ what with the former one considered Tamil and the later one considered grantha(adapted from sanskrit). Since I wasn’t claiming to be an authority in Tamil and I wasn’t writing a book, I decided to cut some slack for myself. Hey, I HAD to use other grantha letters like ‘Ha’ , otherwise how can I write Higgins?

Then came the confusion of splitting the name in to syllables vs sounding out the names and writing the sounds I hear in Tamil. I mean English is a very confusing language. For example take the word ‘house’. I can say ‘h+ou+se’. Or I can sound out the word, in which case I say ‘h’, ‘a’, ‘u’, ‘s’ sounds.

At this point the name was already disfigured.

Add to this the accent. I grew up thinking that Donald was ‘Do-nal-du’. Only when I watched KamalHassan (in Tamil movie Vasool Raaja MBBS) did that dim, tube light lit up in my head, ‘Hey that is Donald’. I was a good 28 years of age by then.

Coming back, the name was severely mutilated and the Tamil too. Because every language has rules as to what letters can go together and what cannot. I had a set of no-no letters sitting together that would make my Maragatham miss(my 10th std Tamil teacher) come after me with a whip.

Yesterday, my Development of Language and Literacy in Young Child class addressed this. Apparently there is something called phonemic awareness and something else called phonetic awareness. Phonetics is the sound of letters, which we normally use to read and mostly to spell. Phonemic awareness has nothing to do with letter sounds, it just deals with how a young child hears a word and splits it in her head. As a result the phonemic spelling of a word might be something completely bizarre like the way I spelled house earlier (haus). Children mostly move from the phonemic stage to spelling the words correctly unconsciously it seems. Doesn’t your respect for toddler brain just grow leaps and bounds? Mine did.

Speaking about learning English, how did you learn English? I have been raking my mind to see if I can remember how I learnt English and I can’t come up with anything. I can say one things for sure, I wasn’t taught phonics/phonemes/morphology/etymology or any other -ology. For a long time I thought phonics has something to do with the telephone. When Chula’s leap frog phonics bus said, ‘A says a, A says AA’, I went ‘huh?’. Few memories I have that is associated with learning a language (any language)

At age 5: Telling my father, ‘Appa, don’t say FatherR. Don’t say DaughteR. Say Father, daughter’ and my father still teases me for it.

Also at age 5: Remembering my English teacher say that we have to speak only in English in school and at home. That is the only way to be better in English. Then a young naive me coming back home and speaking ONLY in English and getting teased to death by dear family members.

At age 4: Remember learning to read Tamil by reading Dhina Thandhi.

PS:

Now, at home, I consciously speak in Tamil, try read Tamil books. This is both for the benefit of the kids and my benefit. Ain’t life funny?! In just 25 years life spins a 180, that makes one do the complete opposite.

Why must English be so confusing? Like the wise KamalHassan asked in ‘Oru Kaidhiyin Diary’, why is put not rhyming with but though only the first letter is different? Why do we say but as ‘bat’ and bat as ‘baat’? I can go on and on. But I leave you with a link to a post by nm that was timed superbly with what was going on in my mind.

A couple more posts on Language Development to follow(over a period of time ) and hence the ‘I’ in the title.

Chula talk in bold, Mieja talk in italics.

Amma I want starwberries.
Amma, chabely amma.

Its okay baby.
Kis ok baby.

(Singing)Who wants to do it? Follow, follow me…
To wans a toowin, to wans a toowin. Fomo fommo me….

No bath amma.
No path. No path. No path. No path. No path. No path.

I want to play outside.
Ppplayousie.

My turn.
Mi tun.

You get the idea.

Mieja just hangs around every single word uttered by Chula. She copies, imitates and repeats verbatim whatever Chula says.

And of all the things,*Rolling my eyes*, Chula taught Mieja she taught her to say ‘poo-poo-butt’. Yes, she TAUGHT her, ‘Baby say poo-poo-butt. Can you say it? Look at me, I will give you a lesson. Say poo-poo-butt.’ And the little one is prancing around the house repeating ‘poo-poo-butt’ at least 108 time every day. Shobana I am waiting for my turn to be embarrassed, I can almost visualize that happening.

PS
To be fair to Chula: So far the little teacher has taught the little pupil how to count till 10 in three languages (tamil, english and spanish), ABCD song(with letters and with the letter sounds), tamil vowels and a whole bunch of songs(circle time songs from her montessori). But ‘poo-poo-butt’ is the most uttered phrase.

One of the courses I am taking this quarter is Child’s Ways Of Knowing and Thinking. Yes, I can interpret why a child is behaving in the way he/she does. So far the joke is on students like us trying to break the psyche of the young child. Out there millions of children are laughing their pants off saying, ‘Yeah, now you can use technical jargon to describe the basis of our behavior. So???? You still can’t do anything about it.’

Anyways, I am digressing. There is this wonderful book called Piaget Primer, that describes using simple cartoon from Peanuts, excerpts from classics like Winnie The Pooh, Phantom Toll Booth, Alice In Wonderland and The Little Prince to describe the way the child thinks. A wonderful book, so if any of you get a chance, do thumb through it.

The book had a piece about classification and this was the cartoon that accompanied it. Had me in splits.

And this piece describes what is happening at home.

And the other day, I picked up Chula from school, she said she drew a picture of me and handed me this. ‘This is you amma. I draw you’ she said with a big smile and gleaming teeth. Presenting me ta-da…..

Never mind if the picture says George Washington

Hello, hello , hello. I just have to take matters in my own hands, otherwise things never get done. Never, like in N.E.V.E.R.

Dear readers, I am 22 months old. My amma often forgets this. She is either stuck at me being 10 months old(and treats me that way, which I totally hate) or thinks that I am already two and a half, nothing in between for her.

I like to think of my self as a mischievous little monkey, like the Kapish in Twinkle or Meera monkey from Karadi Tales. My mischief will not make you mad, but will make you hug me tight and plant kisses on my chubby cheeks. Okay, just not kisses, I also love it you blow raspberries.

A sample of my mischief. The other day I was in the library with appa (father) and akka (elder sister). Appa was checking out some books. Akka was standing next to appa, with a mesmerized look( oh, she always gets that look when she sees books) on her face. I tried calling appa a few times and he continued focusing on checking out the books with an occasional ‘Hm’. I like to be given full attention, so what do I do? Do I roll on the floor and cry. Nah, that is so old school. I just pull Chula’s pants down to her knees and run away. That got your attention, right appa? (Sorry Chula, you were just collateral damage. Don’t take it personally, okay?) Amma couldn’t control her laughter when she heard about this, but she also secretly made a mental note, never to wear sweats when I am around. I could see that in her eyes.

You have all heard about my scream-mication (screaming to communicate). Though, I occasionally scream to inflict the right amount of terror in my parents, I have come a long way. I talk!….full sentences,….and…..*drumroll*…… make conversations over the phone * *. Last week amma was changing my diaper and was talking to patti(grand mom) over the phone. I grabbed the phone from amma and said, ‘Patti, Mieja diapuul. Numeel four diapuul. Mickey moose diapuul.’ (Grand mom, I am wearing number four mickey mouse diaper.)

I am still a very persistent child. I like my mother’s school folder and cell phone. But amma makes a big fuss. Honestly I don’t see why? Amma any ways drops her cellphone, like a 100 times. Whats the big deal if I drop it a couple of times? Regarding her school notes, I was just trying to add a child’s perspective to her assignments on child development. Any ways, she over reacts, as usual, puts the stuff away, carries me, sings and dances and tickles me. This charade goes on for 30 min and I play along. After amma is done I go back to the place where I last found the object that attracted me and look for it. I give amma that famous smile of mine, extend my hands and say, ‘thaaka’(thaanga, which means ‘give’ in english). If I sense that it is that amma means business, I add a ‘peesee’(please) to the ‘thaaka’. It is so irresistible that amma almost caves.

I am a picky eater, just like my sister. But Chula gets easily distracted if amma reads books, but not me. If I says no, then it means N.O. You can sing, dance, read books, switch the TV on, it is still N.O. Amma failed to get the message, so I drilled it home by throwing the bowl of food at the wall couple of times. Now she doesn’t even try.

I love to dance. Especially for ‘thee, thee, thee, chakka joey joey’ or ‘vaadi vaadi cd‘. There is nothing like putting on a skirt and doing my famous dabanguthu moves. My other favorite songs are the Indian rhymes for Indian kids from Karadi tales.

I like singing too. My favorite used to be ‘Jinkuwawe, Jinkuwawe, Jinku-Waaa-Weh’(Jingle bells, jingle bells jingle all the way). Last Christmas Chula sang this song in her school performance (which was conducted in the church close to Chula’s montessori school). I tried joining the chorus, but amma shushed me so hard that I stopped singing. But me being the productive person, that I am, I had to do something. So I picked up an application for membership to The Central Church of Christ from the pew and filled it up. Still waiting to hear from them if I got in to the church.

Sometimes my love for singing transcends the time factor. I wake up at the wee hours of morning (5.00AM) and sing at the top of my voice, ‘Isabella, Isabella, ISABELLA……Alara, Alara, ALARA’* and wake up all the sleepy heads in my house.

Though I like my sister when she gets all dressed up, I hug her and kiss her all over her face, I consider the few minutes before bath time as a special bonding time between us. Amma takes off all my clothes except my diaper, I run to Chula demanding that she strips down to her underpants and we make circles around the house, Chula singing, ‘5 little ducks ran up one day, over the hills and far away…..’ and run behind her shouting, ‘duckie akka, duckie akka.’

Okay, that’s a long time sitting in one place. Got to go and do some mischief. See yaa later.

Runs off singing,

‘Monkeys, we are the monkeys.
We like to sing, we like to jump
We like to romp around……’

* – At Chula’s school, they have a cool routine at circle time. They call every child’s name with music from keyboard starting from the lowest note to the highest note. This introduces the differences in the ‘do-re-mi-fa-so-la-to-do’ notes. Mieja listens to Chula singing this song at home and repeats it often.

Discussion I
Background information: I am now in the process of motivating Chula to eat well. So I picked up books from library on nutrition. The food pyramid, 5 serving of fruits and veggies, 16-24 oz dairy…the whole works.

Me: Do you see what the book says? We have to drink two cups of milk a day. That make your bones happy. Otherwise your bones will break. Ok?
Chula: Ok amma.
Me: (Trying to quiz her) What happens if you drink two cups of milk every day?
Chula: Your bones will break.

Discussion II
Background information: I am driving Chula to school and we pass a recycle truck.

Chula: Amma, is that garbage truck?
Me: Looks just like the garbage truck-huh? Do you see that the truck is green in color? That means that it is a recycle truck. The things that can be recycled goes in to the green recycle truck.
Chula: Ok, green garbage truck.
Me: No kannamma. We don’t put garbage in to this truck. We put things like paper, bottles and milk cans in to this truck. This is a recycle truck. (Quizzing her), what are the things that can be recycled?
Chula: Trucks, green color, garbage, dinosaurs, elephants, lions, my baby sister, diapers… Did you know that my friend D bought a cupcake for lunch? Lunch bag, white car, orange car. I play with R on February too. Crayons, big giant TV …Let us just say that this went on for the whole 7 minute drive to school.

Discussion III
Background information: Hubby is trying to give Chula lesson in oral hygiene.

Hubby: You have to brush your teeth properly. Otherwise you will get poochi(roughly translated to insects) in your mouth.

{From the next day onwards, Chula refuses to open her mouth claiming that she has lady bugs and butterflies in her mouth.}

Chula: I have lady bug in my mouth amma. No brush, no paste. I don’t want no more poochi to get in to my mouth

PS: This happened almost three months ago. Now Chula is an expert in brushing her teeth. She has a bit of starting trouble, but once she starts she does an awesome job.

Discussion IV
Background information: A discussion about (Boo’s) Ashu came up when I was getting the children ready for bed tonight.

Chula: What is Ashu’s thatha’s name?
{I tell her the name.}
Chula: What is Ashu’s patti’s name?
{I tell her the name.}
Then there was a sudden light bulb in my head and I thought that this might be a good way to introduce many to many relationship.
Me: Hey, guess what? Ashu’s thatha and patti are Yaadayaada aunty’s appa and amma.
Chula: Huh?
Me: Yeah!
Chula: No, Ashu’s thatha patti are Yaadayaada aunty’s thatha and patti.
Me: No. No. No. {Begin a complex lecture on relationships and how many people are can be related to many more people}…..
Chula: Amma, stop. I know. Ashu’s patti is Yaadayaada aunty’s amma and Ashu’s thatha is V uncle’s appa.
Me: No
Chula: {Cuts me off my placing her palm on my mouth}, I think it is time to sleep.

Discussion V
Background information: The contents of the lunch box is pretty much the same at the end of the day, a very irritated me.

Me: Chula, what did you do during lunch?
Chula: I was talking to A. {Smiles so wide that her ears are about to fall off her head.}
Me: Talking? You are supposed to eat at lunchtime, not talk.

{Taking time off and counting to 10, to control myself. Hey, some of her teachers were watching, I didn’t want to blow my top in front of them }

Me: {in a sarcastic tone}What did you talk about, that was so important and made you miss your lunch?
Chula: Peace.
Me: Huh?!
Chula: {in a matter of fact tone}World peace amma.

Okay, for the past year I have been reading about bloggers meeting (here, here, here and here). The whole excitement behind such a meet is people who have met online and have formed a mental picture of a person, meeting in person. Then the actual image is cross checked with the mental picture and necessary corrections are made. Some times people hit it off in person too.

We had a different kind of meet yesterday. People who have been friends and are blogging now met at my place for dinner. Yaadayaada, Boo, Sundar, DDMom. Valleyblogzine had to cancel out in the last minute, otherwise we would have been a grand number of six. We hobnobbed and gossiped over blog world happenings over a scrumptious dinner (for which I cannot take any credit!). People offered to bring food and I ended up making just the appetizer and dessert.

The highlights of the meet:

FOOD, FOOD, FOOD – no question about that!

Anju read books to Chula and Mieja. She even took the time to hug and papmer Mieja. She is such an angel.

The minute DDMom’s D entered the house, Chula and Mieja ran to her yelling and screaming.

Mieja threatening all the kids, especially the ones older than her. The kids were building Leggo and Mieja would casually walk by them and knock down whatever they had built. So after some time, the minuet she turned towards the other kids, they started screaming, ‘Mieja is coming… Mieja is coming…’ and started to form a protective ring around their work. If possible they would have built a moat and let a few alligators loose in the moat to keep Mieja away!

Chula tried reaching for something at the bottom of the toy box and landed in to the toy box! Just her little legs were jutting out and she was kicking them wildly and shouted enough to bring the roof down. Hey, no judgements on my mothering qualities, we pulled the little devil out and what is the next thing she does? Repeats the same thing again!

D and Chula decided that sitting inside the toy box is lots of fun. So they dumped the toys out and squeezed in to the toy box and were giggling away to glory. Mieja wanted to be a part of the fun, so she decided to get in to the toy box the only way she knew. Head in first, legs swinging wildly in the air.

A friend’s 10 year old son sang a bajan. All the kids dropped whatever they were doing, sat down and listened patiently to the whole song. D and Chula came in to the group with a toy drum and xylophone respectively, trying to accompany the boy. After their mothers gave them ‘the look’ + waving the index finger + that deep guttural ‘hhmmm’, they dropped the idea.

Mieja, is probably hearing for the very first time a person singing. No, me singing to the children cannot be considered singing. She didn’t bat an eyelid.

Oh, BTW, we are having another meet next week!

For original source of recipe, click here.

My variations and story behind the recipe click here.

Chk out the recipe here.