When we talk about children’s growth phases, ages two – seven years are called the pre-operational child, the phase before a child can become fully operational. The child is learning a lot of things. Language develops, she is learning to see other’s point of views. They learn symbolism and grasp abstract concepts. A child might behave in a manner that one might think ‘selfish’, but it is not. A behavior can be defined as selfish only when a person is fully capable of analyzing different point of views and prefer to do something that works best for them, even if it means inconveniencing the rest of the world. A child, before the age of seven cannot fully comprehend a situation, simply does not have the cognitive development to do so. She sees the world through HER eyes. Just because she thinks that she must have the toy, she thinks that every one around her, younger and older, think the same – that SHE must have the toy! A phrase called ‘egocentric’ was coined for this kind of behavior. Every one at some point of time would have noticed their child refer to herself in third person, for example Chula/Mieja saying ‘Chula/Mieja wants this.’ This is a perfect example of egocentrism. Many times I have noticed Chula/Mieja sitting in front of me, having some book facing them. They would point to the book and ask me what it is. It does not occur to them that I am sitting in front of them, not next to them and hence cannot see the book, but only the front cover of the book. In their little minds they truly believe that the whole world sees what they see. Egocentrism is not a bad thing just because the phrase ego is a part of it. Only when a child fully, completely understands her point of view, she can understand others point of views.

Couple of Wednesdays back hubby had a meeting and I was faced with the monumental task of getting both the children ready, drop them off at their respective school/day care and get to work, all before 8.30AM. This is how the dinning table conversations went.

Me: Chula, Mieja, appa has to go to work early. So I want your full co-operation. Okay?

Chula: Amma, where is appa?

Me: Appa is at work. Eat your cereal.

Chula: Amma, I want Chicka Chicka Boom Boom.

Me: Okay, I will read the book. But you must keep eating. Otherwise we will be late. If you stop eating, I will stop reading.

Mieja: Amma, I want markul.(markers for coloring)

Me: Kanamma, we are reading a book now. We focus on one thing at a time. Now see what is going to happen to the alphabets. {Shoving the next spoon of cereal in to the child’s mouth.}

Chula: Amma, I want to read it.

Me: Yes, after you finish your cereal. Because if you can’t read when you are eating. Remember you have to finish eating soon, otherwise we will be late.

Mieja: Amma, I want thee thee.

Me: Songs are for the evening. Now it is cereal time.

Mieja: I want ‘a – ba – ca – da’ song….

Me: Not now….

Chula: {But Chula has already started singing}…aa – ba – ca – da – e – fa – ga….

Me: Okay, akka is singing it right. Eat as you listen to the song.

So it just kept coming back to the same thing. I was on my one track mind, trying to get the kids strapped, loaded and ready to be dropped by a certain time and the kids where in their own world, which had no place words like co-operation, understanding, more importantly ‘TIME’. Hmmp.

As an adult, I still was in my own egocentric world. How can I expect the children not to do that? So I picked up the phone, called my work and left a message that I will be late and can come only between 9.00AM – 9.15AM as opposed to my regular time.

We all finished breakfast without any pressure, tears or drama and left for our respective destinations. Oh, btw, I reached work at 8.45. I was only 15 min late, as opposed my initial estimate of 45 minutes late. Its amazing how things roll smoothly once the pressure is off! Life is good. 🙂