Just for the heck of it, I typed “size” in google search. People are concerned about the size of their class, keyboard, home, car, body part ( top most concern ai-yai-yai-yai-yai 🙂 ), font, tire, database and the list goes on and on. But no mention about the ‘size’ I have on my mind.

When I was pregnant with Chula and Mieja, this is something I obsessed about every single day. My first two pregnancies came to an abrupt end in the first check up at nine weeks and at both times the doctor said, even before confirming a heart beat, ‘It is small. The sac is small and so is the fetus.’ So something in me started associating big baby = healthy baby.

At birth Chula was 6 pounds 11 ounces, 19.5 inches. A normal weight considering how petite R and I are. Owing to her serious spit up episodes and me believing Enfamil’s unrealistic suggestions, Chula was force fed and she was big. When Chula was six months, another desi mother whom I was seeing for the very first time at the park, blatantly asked me, “What do you feed her. She is huge”. This was her opening conversation, no niceties such as hi, hello, which apartment do you live! Oh….how I cursed that woman 🙂 I seriously considered getting the dirt that she stepped on and do some old fashioned hocus-pocus to remove her evil eye on my child. At Chula’s 12 month well baby check up, the doctor said, “If she continues growing like she is right now, she will be 6 feet by the time she is 15,” he paused, looked at R and I and said, “but that may not happen. She most probably has your genes. She will slow down.”  And she did at two years!

Mieja gave us a scare. At the first check up at 6 weeks, the doctor couldn’t see a sac, he thought it might be another ectopic. Two days later we saw a small sac, two days after that we saw a tiny fetus and four days later we saw a heart beat. During the 18th week ultrasound, I could sense the doctor wondering about Mieja’s size. When I pressed him, he said, “She is a good two weeks smaller than her 18 week size. Other than that she is perfect. Why don’t we schedule another ultra sound for 30 weeks and see how she has grown?” And at 30 weeks, she was still two weeks behind. I was busy running around with Chula who was only a year old, I had only put on 12 pounds in 30 weeks, can you believe that?! On top of this Mieja came 15 days early. I was thankful that she was 5 pounds 11 ounces and 18 inches at birth. Whew, that was a relief….I was sure that I would pop a lizard.

With all this history every well baby check up, I would anxiously look forward for the height and weight check up and consider the markings on their height/weight chart as an yard stick to my parenting skills. Even now, I obsess about size, but not in the manner I used to. I see size affecting caregivers in a different aspect.

At home, Chula being and looking like a normal 4.5-year-old looks much bigger than Mieja who is three years and four months, but can easily pass for two. When the sisters stand together there is a good 12 inches of height difference. That coupled with the last child always being a baby in the parent’s eyes, Mieja gets babied a LOT. The same thing continues in school too. Mieja started school when she was two years and four months. When she started, she was the youngest AND the smallest in her class. Currently there are other children a good eight months younger than Mieja, but she is still the bottom 5 percent of her class size-wise. The little devil knows her potential and takes full advantage of that. She would open her eyes wide, shake her arms up and down and say, “But….but, I don’t know how to do it. Can you do it for me?” and the unsuspecting victim would end up doing every thing for her.

Okay, I am digressing, my point is, yes there is one, children come in different sizes and shapes owing to their genetic pools. I have to constantly disregard their size, bring the age of a child in to focus before I ask the child to do anything. School can be tough on children who look a lot bigger than their size. Adults around them, including their parents can at times place age inappropriate expectations on the child. So the mantra now is, “Don’t believe what you see. How old is this child? Not yet two, though he/she looks like 3.5. So asking this child to wear this pair of shoes with this kind of loop straps…. forget it. Okay, that one is two though he/she looks 14 months. So may be its time this child can get dressed independently.” And so the obsession about size continues, only now that I am forcing myself not to rely only on what I see 🙂

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