Comments on: I Am Not Sharing My Appalam

By: Sheela

Sheela — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 22:09:56 +0000

Could absolutely relate to interrupted thoughts and simplified= lazy? that you wrote so well!

“Quiet time” is essential, I agree completely. Early on, I managed to set up “quiet time” and “alone time” for the kids (and me) – works well with Ana, am yet to see if Oggie takes to it as well since he is not yet 2. We use a timer. If she interrupts me during the quiet or alone time, I don’t answer. Well, barring real emergencies, of course

Quiet time is when we remain quiet, but do anything we want – silence=peace, especially with a chatterbunny at home. Alone time is when we do whatever we want independently. Alone. We can sing, dance whatever – just don’t involve anybody other than yourself for the duration:)

Didn’t expect it to work, but, like you said, privileges need to be earned, actions have consequences etc., is sinking in – “Want to read or be read to at bedtime? Want to go to the park this weekend? Well, better start listening”

By: ranjani

ranjani — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 09:40:48 +0000

Okay now that I have typed the comment I re read it ..I meant that “soo sooo” as “can ABSOLUTELY relate” and not ” so …so kinds ” !

UTBT SAYS: Absolutely Ranjani. And hope you got your much deserved break.

By: ranjani

ranjani — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 09:39:02 +0000

can soo soooo relate to all that you have said
)

By: Reva

Reva — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 20:46:54 +0000

Lol.. white rice!! I feel for you.. But, I am sure all this is going to make wonderful conversation material a few years down the lane.

Sometimes I think that you are giving me a heads up for what’s to come and I better learn to avoid the same stuff. But, I think it will end up a do and learn thing! (and then think, whoa, utbt n the other girls said the very same thing a while ago).

UTBT SAYS: Nothing can be a true heads up. That that person, that that experience.

By: Cantaloupes.amma (CA)

Cantaloupes.amma (CA) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 18:47:56 +0000

Your reply to Poppins makes so much sense …. Control freak that I was (still am … but slowly learning to let go) I always tried to do things the “Right way” … now its a given … amma will be there for everything.
And I so relate to you on soggy dosas, cold idlis and left over cakes … grrrrrrr …. there was a time when I put food on my plate Cantaloupe would want the first bite and the bite after and after .. almost felt as if I was eating left over food …. now NO MORE SHARING ! If you want something better eat from your plate ..
So your kids order white rice ??? Mine are only too happy with beans and tomatoes …. as if I don’t know how to cut the damn tomatoes attractively

UTBT SAYS: Seriously, as if we don’t have ‘food’ anywhere at home. I remember a chithi who used to get M.A.D at her son who would order only dosa in restaurant. I can totally understand her now. They order white rice in restaurant in HSB and come home and ask me to make poori. They do have a weird sense of humor.

By: kowsalya

kowsalya — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 07:27:08 +0000

@Sandhya – “Five minutes peace” sitting in the bathroom. no chance – i am now so used to not bolting the bathroom door because if i bolt it my daughter who is 8 is waiting at the door either because she also wants to use bathroom very urggggently or she has some doubt in math that cannot wait for 5 minutes or she has to tell me some very very interesting thing that happened in school. if i am taking a bath she either bangs the door saying what she wants to say and answer or just opens it and washes her hand [as if there is no other wash-basin in the house]. i should probably feel blessed because when i use bathroom for the other two things she has understood that I don’t like opening my mouth

@utbt – sorry to spoil your hopes. kids who are not independent when they were kids continue to grow the same way

UTBT SAYS: Whoo hoo to that light that is not at the end of the tunnel LOL

By: sandhya

sandhya — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 05:54:25 +0000

Reminds me of that book ‘Five minutes peace’ where Mrs. Jumbo finally escapes to the bathroom and sits in her bath after having dealt with the usual scene with kids, husbands, etc. I agree with the view that somewhere we are to blame for the situation. I try to do all chores on weekdays, keep times with my child out of bounds for phone calls, etc., keep her away from my husband when he has important (read office work, reading the paper or watching something earthshaking on BBC) to do, etc. You fill in the list. She is now used to it and now I am trying to undo this (good?!) work by explaining to them that even I want something sometimes and am entitled to it.

UTBT SAYS:Yesssss, lets all hit undo ASAP.
Sometimes I feel I must do ‘empathy lesson’ to the husband. Open the office door, jump around, beating drums and oh the questions, I forgot the questions. Must ask 10000 questions. And then tell him, “See, this is what I am trying to keep away from you and it is hard work. Can you even try to do the same, at least once in a blue moon? And stop asking questions already.”

By: kowsalya

kowsalya — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 04:55:01 +0000

i am in the same trap but as poppy puts it i don’t know whether i set the trap myself. i realised that i am a controlling mom when i told abi to choose her own dress and she told me whatever i choose you will only disapprove then why not you choose me and i will go by your choice. from then on i am trying to let go and now abi is like “why amma you don’t love me, you don’t like me, why are you not doing anything for me, are you angry with me?” I thought it was tough to be a good daughter then I thought it was tougher to be a good wife and being good daughter-in-law is the toughest but i have now realised its so so so tougher to be a good parent

UTBT SAYS: She said that?! Did she really say, you choose for me?! LOL!

By: Balaji

Balaji — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 18:53:18 +0000

Wonderful piece. Time to oneself to enjoy life’s little pleasures is so important since during those times the pleasure don’t seem so little! I stay up late instead of getting up early but the reasoning is still the same – some peace & quiet to do what I want.

But when the kids are awake, I end up vacillating over my actions. So 1 week I watch Seinfeld while eating my dinner in the family room & ask the kids to eat at the dining table cos that’s something I enjoy and I spend most of my time with the kids anyway. And the next week, I feel selfish and like a bad dad and sit at the dining table with them so they dont have to eat alone!

UTBT SAYS: Yes, it is good have time for one self. Don’t feel selfish

By: B o o.

B o o. — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 16:18:27 +0000

First things first. this is one of your best posts ever. Love it. like you wrote a slice of how your brain works!

your first few paras touch a chord. i was just telling a friend, “how being content is so underrated these days”. as if that person has no ambition, is lazy and is just wasting life.

and for once I can say “yay! i do something Utbt approves of and even without her telling me how”!! everyone in this household knows not to mess with me when im eating. and I dont intervene unless they are killing each other.

When Hd is on a call or working at home, I dont let the kids interrupt him and i expect the same from him when im on a phone call or cooking or eating. you re right about being in control. i ve let go so much after Antu was born. before it was always me telling him what to do and complaining later that he did this or that or he did nt do this or that. so he wanted to double check with me and im like “cant you take a call” and so on and so forth. But after Antu, i ve totally relaxed. like a friend told me, “if the dad wants to watch TV with the kids, let them. why make him another mom?” just like i hate anyone telling me how to be a mom, i ve stopped telling him too. (hope hd does nt get to read this. he would disagree.

UTBT KIDS: Thanks Boo. And I don’t have to approve you. At times, I would like to have your patience or your sense of humor.