13 Jan 2011
Yesterday was Chula and Mieja’s first day taking swim lessons. I posted in the school’s parent yahoo groups, made couple of phone calls and registered them in a highly recommended swim school. They have classes once a week for 30 min. So I was fully aware that the money spent is for them to monkey around in water, which they did and had lots of fun. Well, I can dream that they freestyle across the Suez canal after these ten, once a week, thirty min classes, but again it will be just a dream.
Now I have to mention that of my M.A.N.Y pet peeves, one that will rank number one is my obsession towards maintaining a schedule and the other one that will be in the top ten is public water facilities.
My schedule goes like this:
– Swim class at 5.30PM = We have to leave home at 5.00PM.
-Leave home at 5.00PM = we must be ready dressed + kids’ back packs packed + their after swim snack ready + boots on + jackets on + customary potty round etc done by 4.55PM.
-Back pack ready at 4.55PM = start packing back pack at 4.30PM.
-They need to have a substantial snack before swim and it must be at least 90 min before the swim. So biggish snack/light early dinner at 4.00PM.
-Eat at 4.00PM = dinner, snack all done by 2.00PM. So I can go pick them up at 3.00PM. (Now if some one points out to me that we live exactly 1.8 miles away from school and it takes exactly 6 minutes one way even if all the four traffic lights are on, I will have to ask you to shut up and refer you to my pet peeve # 1. It has to be like this only.)
-I can hear the clock ticking, every second passes with an ominous thud, I am moving at warp speed, but the rest of family is not. So I feel this enormous pressure of carrying every one through my schedule in order to achieve the deliverable. Working on that folks…. might take a life time though.
Now to my next pet peeve about public water facilities. My most traumatic life experience so far, is that I had to dip in sea at Rameshwaram in order to ward off the ill effect of some planet in my husband’s birth chart. I consider it atrocious that I had to do it with him just because we are married. The very fact that I was forced to do it, created many ill effects for the husband that were not in his birth chart. Pity-huh?!
I see in water, things that no one can possibly see with their normal eye. I imagine one person swallowing water and coughing it out and their germs coming to me/my children crawling in slow motion with Jaws music playing inside my head. The funny thing is that I am not your typical Purell worshipper. Water just seems to enhance my out of the box thinking.
So after the swim class, I washed, dried, dressed, blow dried the girls’ hair once at the pool side. Brought them home, dumped them directly in to the tub, shampooed their hair, scrubbed the top layer of skin off, rinse, repeat, ditto at home. Then the usual smahan after hair bath, churanam to clear sinus, blow dry their hair, moisturize etc etc ritual followed. Of course, I have a target bed time, so all this scrubbing activities have to be reverse engineered and timed accordingly. You all get a fair idea of how things roll right?
By 8.00PM, I was a wreck. I felt like eating murukku….. chewing the crispy, fried, oily snack seems to be the perfect solution to get rid of all that stress. Unfortunately there was no murukku at home and so the husband was collateral damage to the process of de-stressing.
The bigger point to all this is……. (yes, however pointless all this seems there is a point peeps) taking the children to an activity that I am not comfortable in is ‘this’ hard for me. I usually stick to my comfort zone of art, dance and dabble a little bit in music. The rest is like pulling a huge stone uphill by tying it to my hair. So hats off to the parents, Chinese and others, who are very sure about their choices for their kids and go through the hassle of taking them to various classes and putting in the grueling hours of practice and such. Amy Chua might call me lazy, but it is like that only. I just want to choose my battles.
PS: My opinion about Amy Chua’s article:
I didn’t like the stereotyping. For example, Asian kids play video games, do sleep overs and have extra curricular activities that Amy Chua may not approve of. She just translated what she did at home to all Asians.
I admire her guts for telling out in the open what she believes in.
I agree that Asian parents have high expectations on their children, while some non-Asian parents might be afraid to have any kind of expectations on their children. It is not wrong to have expectations.
I also agree that children need to be presented the same activity many many times before they master it and are very comfortable in it. But every parent does ‘the presentation’ in different ways. Not all Asian parents yell and go on a war path.
God give me strength to not call my children garbage, however testing their behavior is.
Whatever you do, do it with conviction. Example, the worst will be a ‘typical’ Asian parent parenting the ‘typical’ western way and expecting the result of ‘typical’ Asian parenting and vice versa.
21 Responses for "Of Extra Classes, Pushing Kids And Parenting Styles"
Imagine if Srividya in Thalapathi had called Thalaivar “Garbage” instead of throwing him in the garbage bin – his dialogue would have been – Porandhonna Kuppai Thottinnu Solli Asingapadutheettanga !
UTBT SAYS: Only you can think of Tamil cinema dialogue to fit the situation!!! Only you!!
Dude! neeyumaa? You have described my household and my head word for word. every detail is correct including the swim class at 5.30 pm!!! and yesterday Ashu had a bday party to go to before the swim class. Imagine my stress!
“I can hear the clock ticking, every second passes with an ominous thud, I am moving at warp speed, but the rest of family is not. So I feel this enormous pressure of carrying every one through my schedule in order to achieve the deliverable.” – I have to frame this and hang it in every wall in my house!
and ROTFLOL about the ill effects on the husband that were not in the horoscope! Chance e illai!!
Regarding Amy – like I told YY, not only calling garbage. Publicly proclaiming that you did. Its wrong in so many ways. Public humiliation of kids is not on however one tries to justify it! 🙁
UTBT SAYS: Bday party before swim class? Chance-e yillai. I so feel for you.
Really!!! Wed eve 5.30 swim class. How freakish is that?!
Amy Chua claims that her daughters are cool and can’t see what this hullabaloo is all about. Aga motham Battle Hymn Of Mother Tiger-kku sooper publicity. The trend seems to be – the best publicity is negative publicity.
Now I don’t feel so bad about driving my kids to a schedule. Sometimes feel like I am the only one in the house that is so rushed while everyone else works to a different clock.
As for Amy Chua, I stopped being an Asian mom when I promised that kids I would never question them where they missed they lost the last 3 points to a 100 as long as they gave it their best and got an “A” 😉 My kids for sure “divorce” me if I asked them to practice anything for more than 30 minutes 🙁
UTBT SAYS: The best part is, even after witnessing all this dance I am doing, the husband says something in the lines of, ‘I need to make a phone call’ or ‘I think I need a hair cut’ and wonders what the fuss is all about.
Practice makes perfect, I agree, but just practice and rote is not enough. So far we haven’t reached a stage where the kids need to practice for anything. Let me see what the future holds for me.
Same here, Wed evening 5:25pm class and I do the exact same thing to be on schedule and drive myself and others crazy. And to top it all off I have to time my leaving from work such that I don’t get caught by my mgr as he likes to abt work right when I need to run to catch my train. Drag the kid from aftercare who complains that she wants to play more and run all the way from parking lot to the swim lesson and still be 5 mins early! I can’t even imagine the second bath at home…
I don’t even belong to the same planet as Amy Chua to say the least!
UTBT SAYS: High five sister!
Oh the OH tells me I am a tad too stressed and there is no big deal if they reach a few minutes late. My BP shoots higher when he has the responsibility to taking them to class 🙁
UTBT SAYS: And inspite of all this, we are late. One of these days, I am going to have a heart attack.
“created many ill effects for the husband that were not in his birth cart. Pity-huh?!”
Ha Ha Ha! I am still laughing!
By the way you have me and V to thank for the kids’s interest in swimming! YY 1, UT 0.. Hmm.. Let me think about my next win!!
UTBT SAYS: Yes, I thank you and your husband. As a thank you prize, can you take them for swim classes from now on? ;P
can I borrow this as a guest post to my blog? Except that Adi had (note the past tense) the swim lessons on a weekend morning which is equally bad in its own way… Isn’t weekend meant to catch up on that extra sleep and toss n turn? I hated those 6 classes just for the one reason of getup early and make the kid eat breakfast well before the class time… At the same time I also loved the 1hr class for that medium DD coffee I get to drink “aram se” while waiting on the sides of the pool watching the kids in water…
UTBT SAYS: LOL! Sure do. One hour?! The girls have 30 min class, at 5.30PM and 5.45PM. So I have to get child1 ready, drop her off with her instructor, get child 2 ready, drop her off, in a few min run to the shower stall to wait for child 1 to come and get her ready for outside and child2 arrives from the pool!
phew my head is spinning just by reading your reply… feel better UTBT…
UTBT SAYS: 🙂
Right now i’m in a stage where I’m failing miserably in getting P’s homework done.. and it comes only on weekends n is just one or 2 pages of activity that’s fun! … i won’t survive if she starts any classes!!!!
hugss UTBT.
UTBT SAYS: I understand. Be strong Shruti.
Bah! I so agree with you. I fail miserably at the whole thing when I comes to stuff I’m not comfortable in, either, usually sports too. I’m a little cooler about swim water and its germs…being a biotech person, I know too much abt how and where they lurk and enter, and somehow it makes me ‘immune’ to most terror, maybe because I think our immune systems rock!
It’s a pretty thought provoking article…on the surface I disagree with the whole thing, but going deeper down, there’s some interesting stuff to re-think…maybe I will arrive at my same old beliefs, or maybe not!
UTBT SAYS: Starry, you must look at my face in the changing rooms. You will ask if I am okay or if I am about to throw up 🙁
And as for your metaphor, pushing a stone uphill by tying to your hair, I feel like I’m pushing my kid’s head and mine together through a brick wall…sometimes the wall gives way, and it’s so rewarding to see that self-esteem shoot up in the child, “My God I really can do this”…but it ain’t great for our heads!!!
UTBT SAYS: See that is why parenting must be done with a partner. When the husband does something with the kids and I see him, as you say pushing head through a brick wall, I step in and vice versa. We do the same thing, but the change or whatever it is clicks. The kids end up doing more than what we adults were shooting for! Parenting is so not a one person job, especially for my type of personality.
LOL at starry’s comment 🙂
After reading ur post and the comments – my conclusion
“all husbands are the same ”
same scene in our home except that it’s Saturday morning -I get up before everyone, pack bags and all the associated stuff -” husband comes out just at peak of my tension and asks ” polama ??”
UTBT SAYS: ‘Aachaa?’ is the word at home, that makes me blow my top off.
Hi, this is my first time writing here, but I am a regular reader of your blog and love it. i’m trying to figure out a day care for my daughter and would like to get some input from you. We live in the bay area as well. would it be possible for your to send me an email at sreelak@hotmail.com so that I can pick your brain?
Thx,
UTBT SAYS: Done.
hah. you should meet my friend – at age 6 her kid used to do 10 different extra-currics (15 hours totally) in a week. she ate two out of three meals of the day in the car. the meals would be served on plates with napkins too. multiple things to choose from to eat too – dhokla, stuffed paratha etc. milk would be given with a choice of flavourings.
UTBT SAYS: Huh?! I would be, like Chula says, ‘deaded’.
I feel exactly the same with extra classes- completely drained out at the end of the day. Right now S is not into any classes and I am planning to start something after a few months…and I am so enjoying the break 🙂
The article by Amy Chua is definitely thought provoking. Though I am not sure at this point, what I agree with and what I do not , like starry pointed out, it is definitely food for thought.
UTBT SAYS: Ensoy thangamani.
Totally with you on the schedule thing…. it just drives me crazy … more so because its just me wanting to plan to the minutest detail.
Imagine, this reverse planning has to happen for a swim class at 9:00am on a saturday and the child and the chaperone refuse to get up even after the clock strikes 7:30am … imagine my stress level !
With you on your second pet peeve as well …. and hence BP takes care of the classes, while I wait for their arrival with my oil massage routine ready.:)
UTBT SAYS: 🙂 I feel for you 🙂
Oh God UTBT! What will you think of me if I say that they don’t get a shower once they come home? Just the play shower they do at the swim school right after swimming? I am very lazy that way!
I didn’t read the article…have very little patience for articles, but I completely agree with you on choosing your battles. 🙂
UTBT SAYS: I will not think anything T. That that person that that thing. Plus it will be pretty freaky if the whole world is full of people just like me!!
I thrive on chaos… I think Pattu might grow up to impose schedules on me… I’m extremely laid back and think about breakfast only after waking up in the morning…well, I’ve managed, though not in flying colours…
Not that I take pride in being what I am, in fact I envy and admire those who are so organised…
On Amy Chua, I just don’t see the connection between creating prodigies and not allowing them to attend a sleepover, have a playdate, be in a school play etc…. I found the article funny actually…like some kind of a spoof!
Have been there. And forgotten my son’s clothes one time in the hurry to get him TO the class, forgot we have to get back home clothed as well! 😀 Even blogged about it.
Figured out that for me, this punctuality thing is a bit of a stress point. Actually all of the stress, because when I said, ‘So what? We’ll be late by 5 minutes!’ (to myself, this is dangerous to share with kids!), not only did we get there 5 minutes early but also with low stress.
Now the kids can read time and the coach talks to them if they are late. So guess what? They stress and we laugh! WOHAHAHAHA!
It gets better – hang in there. And when your kids swim lap after lap in the pool, lengthwise, who’ll be smiling until her mouth hurts?
Wow,you pin the schedule for every minute huh?
I was happy and felt very easy to take her to music class,but it required too much of planning.
So lot of such is awaiting me i believe.But i can very well relate to the husband part,especially the non cooperative and non appreciative ones.
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