* KOTUDHU – is a Tamil word that translates to ‘IS POURING’

Yes, a new series….

“Why did you move back to India? Because you have two girls and you want them to get the Indian culture?” is a question I get asked many times.

So here is my observation of the Indian culture that the girls are getting, from the side lines.

Scribed by child1, dictated by child2.

A child, Mieja’s age is at home to play.

Act I

Mieja to the child: See, see. See how beautifully my mother has arranged the house. She has the brown couch here and black bench there. There is also the daybed, so that we can sit and look at the pictures. She works hard to keep the house this way. It is sooo beautiful-na?!

Act II

The visiting child is conducting a drawing contest for which Chula and Mieja are supposed to draw two pictures each.

V.Child to Mieja: Hey, what are you drawing yaar? Your party picture does not look like party at all. Give me it, I will draw and you can color.

Mieja: No. This is my picture. This is how I want it.

V.Child: Okay then. I will not give you prize for this. I don’t like it.

Mieja: Its okay. I am drawing for myself. Not for prize. This is how I want it.

V.Child: Then your mother will be angry with you for not getting prize. She will scold you.

Mieja: Nooo. My mother will not. She says you have to do what makes you happy and do it the best. She will not scold me or do ‘katti’ with me for not getting prize. Yeah, my mother knows everything-re. She is older than you. Do you know how old she is? Vvverrry old. She is 34. See, I told you she is old and knows everything?!

Looks like I can retire. I have imparted wisdom, knowledge, values, thankfulness, appreciation and of course, I am old. The decision is further confirmed by the song the three children are singing and eating dinner.

Act III

Dum maro dummmmm

Pizza bubblegummmmm

Put it on your bummmmm

So long folks, have a good one.

Mieja: “Amma just get me a Barbie and a carrot. No, no, many, many carrots. Okay?”

Background information.

Amma, at some point of time: Carrots are good for you. They make you healthy and intelligent.

Amma, at all points of time: Barbies tell little girls that ONLY beauty is important.

A frustrated Amma, at some point of time: Playing with Barbies will make you stupid.

For more truly original thoughts visit here.

Sunday afternoon.
The children are playing in their room and I am watching them play.
They are pretending that they are selling mangoes:

Mieja: Amma, would you like to buy some magical mangoes from me?
Me: Ummm… that depends on the price. How much does your mangoes cost?
Mieja: Oh, don’t worry about that amma, the mangoes are free. Would you like some?

Namma than free-a koduthal phenoyl kooda kudipome (We belong to respectable family that will drink even phenol, a cleaning liquid, if it is free), so my eyes light up!

Me: Free? Sure, I will have 2 kgs.
Meija: Here amma.

She hands over the mangoes and says,

Mieja: Amma, but these are just the mangoes. The magic is separate. You have to pay me to sprinkle the magic on the mangoes. That is not free.

I am stumped! I am upset that I signed up for this deal without reading the fine print.

Me: You never told me this! I thought that I was buying magical mangoes. I don’t want your magic. I will just make do with my free mangoes.

Chula, neatly cuts in,

Chula: Amma, I understand why you are upset. But the magic makes sure that you don’t have to keep buying more and more mangoes. Once you eat a mango, another one will appear magically. Don’t you think it is worth it? Isn’t is a great deal?

And I did buy the magic, with many possible career choice for the girls running through my mind, with a sheepish expression, with my pretend money.

Location: Nordstorm, Handbags and accessories department.

A gentleman holding two Coach handbags, same design, two different colors, same price, one in each hand and comparing.

Gentleman to the sales person: These two bags are the same design and price, but one is bigger than the other. What does it mean?

Sales person: It means that one bag is stuffed with more paper than the other.

Clueless people buying handbags means only one thing. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY folks.

So we are M.A.D about fairies at home…..

Rainbow Magic series, thanks to the recommendation of the lovely ladies at SaffronTree, has served us well. One thing that Meija seems to have nailed down is that there can be fairies for everything and every occasion. She goes around the house, doing whatever she is doing, mumbling

Sopa the soap fairy
Slippera the slipper fairy
Marmala the marmalade fairy
Pencila the pencil fairy
Lunchella the lunch fairy
Sandella the sandbox fairy

….you get the idea.

Cut. Scene change.

I was on the phone requesting the husband to make a quick stop at Target, on his way back from work, to pick up some much needed feminine products. I gave him a bunch of keywords to narrow down what to choose and what new fairy we have at home?

Overa the overnight fairy.

Questions. Of course there are always questions…

Why do I need protection in the night?
Am I going to be attacked by some kind of monster?
How exactly her Appa is arranging for my protection?

Now some one please explain to me, how a child can totally glaze over/ignore/fail to notice/do her own thing for specific, in the face (this I mean quite literally), direct, instructions about cleaning up, finish her food, get ready for school in time etc, but can absorb a vague conversation on the phone and introduce it in her pretend play?

Theorem I: It is easy to fool your child.
Theorem II: In the circle of life, you are the real fool.

I am on the couch reading a book. Mieja is walking around the house with a cup of milk. I see her walk in to the bedroom. I hear a thump sound, a ‘gluck’ sound and there is an ominous silence. I am still on the couch, but I say, ‘Get the cleaning rag and clean up the spilled milk please.’ She comes running to me and says, ‘How did you know that I spilled the milk?’ I put on my most serious look and say, ‘I can see through walls. No matter where you are, what you are doing, I know exactly what is going on.’

Fast forward a few weeks.

I am in the kitchen cooking. I am calling Mieja. I am just trying to locate her and find out what she is doing. There is no reply. I do not want to drop what I am doing and run around the house. So I repeat her name enough number of times to compose an ashtotharam. Finally I give up, walk to the child and ask why she did not respond. She says, ‘But why Amma? You can see through walls, so I thought you can see where I am and what I am doing.’

Mieja sits on her chair, holding FUNTIME RIDDLES ( by Marilyn Helmer and Jane Kurisu ) and with 150% focus reads:

What ship do prize winning athletes sail on?
Championship.

What is common to a cake and a baseball game?
They both need a good batter.

Why are basketball courts wet?
Because all the players dribble.

Why are football stadiums always cool?
Because the seats are filled with fans.

She is very calm, very composed. There are no pauses and no laughs. Because she does not understand. Heck she can’t even read! She repeats entirely from memory, from what she has recorded away in her brain by listening to what her older sister has read to her. Its hilarious to watch this child read a jokes and riddles book like some one reading SUN TV news.

BTW the riddle book is good. Do check it out.

Chula understands the jokes, I can tell. She is at a stage where she understands both slapstick as well as the subtle semantic/phonological jokes. We also picked up from the library SILLY KNOCK-KNOCKS( author Joseph Rosenbloom, illustrated by Steve Harpster ) and all of the jokes are subtle phonological ones and go right over my head, but Chula gets it. I will give you a sample:
Knock-Knock
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe please get off my foot?
( Ammmmaaaa… *some serious eye rolling* it is just like CAN YOU please get off my foot. Did you even think about that? *sending more attitude my way* ) For my part, I irritate her further by saying that I understand the wordplay, but what is so funny in a knock-knock joke?

Tell me folks, is it a cultural thing? I don’t get it. Probably will never, because I did not grow up with it?

PS: Recordings of Mieja “reading” books.

PPS: A riddle for you all. Who can jump taller than the tall mountain? ( Clue: If you are a Dora enthusiast or have one at home, you will know the answer. )

Mieja: Where is my period?

Chula: You don’t even have periods.

Mieja: (In a teasing voice)May be I don’t need periods. (Calling out to me)Ammaaaaa, can you tell me about my periods??

Meanwhile, said mother is fainting in the kitchen. She quickly pulls herself together and runs out to investigate.

The children point to the birthday card they are making and ask her where to put ‘full stop’ in their birthday message.

Chula: They giggle.
Mieja: For what?
C: Nothing. All they do is giggle all the time. They just do that.
M: Really? How do you know?
C: R told me. She knows everything about them.
M: What else?
C: They have metal on their teeth.
M: Really?! How do they eat?
C: They don’t. They drink soda, eat ice cream, eat chocolate and starve. Then they giggle.

They = Teenagers.
Discussion between Chula and Mieja at the breakfast table.
Over heard by yours truly.