Indian society has many strata based on caste and/or class. What once could have been a loose way to organize people and make laws has now transmogrified in to commandments, propelled purely by the willingness of the people to accept and conform.  Being a woman AND being born in the  lower caste AND being poor can be a triple whammy. Rarely there are some people who break out of this cycle and it is an uphill task to do so.

FOLLOWING MY PAINT BRUSH tells the real life story of the Mithila painting artist Dulari Devi who bettered her life by following her passion – painting. Her story is told through her own paintings and the simple, yet powerful words of Gita Wolf.

Gita subtly tells how Dulari Devi overcame her creator’s block and draws inspiration from her life. This particular picture, displaying elements of symmetry and repetitive geometrical patterns shows one half of the painting with minimal colors and intricate lines. Where as the other side shows vibrant colors filled in between lines. This is the fusion of two styles of Mithila art – the Kachni and the Bharni.

The line that spoke the most to me is:

“As time went on I couldn’t imagine a single day without painting. It was a part of my life.”

It made me think, when you are born in and living in poverty, the lack of power to do or say anything, the feeling of helplessness associated with the situation, has a greater impact on human emotions than lack of money and the material comforts it can buy. Once Dulari Devi started painting, once she started expressing herself and her paintings get some kind of recognition, she just cannot stop.

This comes through in the last page when Dulari Devi says, “I was so proud that people wanted to know about me and what I thought.”

From promoting the Mithila art to celebrating the will of this talented artist, this book is quintessential Tara. FOLLOWING MY PAINT BRUSH found its way to my coffee table and the message to my heart.

Pic courtesy: https://www.tarabooks.com/

Special thanks to Tara Books for a free copy of FOLLOWING MY PAINT BRUSH

K’s mom, I would do rebuttal posts only with a handful of people and do I need to mention that I feel comfortable enough to do it with you?

You have touched upon a couple of things that I have in my mind for the past six years. Let me go paragraph by paragraph. Any one else from the blog-mom-o-sphere, please participate. Comment, do a post, what ever works for you.

Chula has been fitting in a size or two bigger clothing since she was four. It is the hips that take the blame. Till I shopped in the ‘toddler’ section(US size 2 – 5) life was peachy. When I ventured in to the ‘girls’ section (US size 5 – 14) I vividly remember being alarmed. Many of the clothes were inappropriately designed. I mean who ever came with this low rise jeans idea?! Shouldn’t designers have some basic sense about hip size : crotch-to-waist length holy ratio? One moron comes up with a design that would fit stick figures and the all major departmental chains go ballistic and stock ONLY low rise hip huggers. I mean these are 5 and 6 year old children who run and climb things. I tried buying two sizes bigger and altering the length, but eventually gave up buying jeans for my children. Since 2008, all they wear are cotton pants with elastic at the hips that covers the butt crack. Yes, the clothing section is brimming, but if you are looking for non-pink, non-Disney characters, slightly loose, appropriate clothing, something that will withstand the running and climbing, something that is not a mini version of adult clothing  you might as well grow you own cotton and weave your own clothes.

Do I need to write anything about swim suits? Target has decided that if you are looking for 8+ size swim suit, it has to be three piece – a mini bra, a bottom that will fit inside a match box, a small match box that is, and a shirt. Mind you, none of these three pieces of clothing solve the purpose of covering your child’s body and it costs a about $50. If not, you can buy wet suits for double the prize. Finally after three months of searching I found swim shorts(low rise of course) and swim shirt at Old Navy, that too only because Feb is the time the stores stock swim wear.

Yes, that is the trend now good people. The thinking is no more, ‘This is current fashion’/‘this is swim season’ -> let us buy a little more in case there is a demand. The selling no longer caters to the different sets of people, with different shapes of bodies, buying a variety of things. For all that talk and noise about uniqueness, the only message clothing industry gives my children is to conform. Stores sell one standard thing at one standard time and you better stock up. If they sell low rise jeans, fit your body in to it. If they sell swim suits from Feb – July, buy at that time. If you think your child might grow out of the swim suit before, what stores perceive as, the next swim season, you stock up or you don’t get any. All in the name of popular demand!

Not exactly clothes, but while on the topic, I might as well spill my angst. If you are following this blog you will know that we just moved continents. Moving two children from one country to another, for good, is not fun. I wanted to cheer the children up and the bulb in my head switched on. ‘Hey, let me buy the children their own pull along suitcases.’ Again if you don’t endorse Disney or Barbie, then your choices are practically non existent. For boys it is easy, buy a pull along suitcase with Lightning McQueen and you are done. At least that is what it looks to me as a mother of two girls. What I buy is what I endorse to my girls. I do not want to endorse Disney Princesses, Bartz, Barbie and such.  I found that if I have certain principles, then I enter in to the exclusive realm and I need to shell out the money even if I am not ready. Finally this came home, with a hefty price tag, of course, the most I have ever spent on a piece of luggage and my heart bleeds a little bit every time the children pull it a little too hard.

Good teachers/guides(parents are the first teachers and guides of young children) have this philosophy, to balance out the classroom and to maintain harmony in the classroom, they pair up children with opposing qualities. It is purely trial and error and if it clicks, they compliment each other very well. Now a small diversion. Children are born with no clue what so ever about the XX and XY factor. Finally they figure out that there is a divide called girls and boys. They look in the society and look for external signs and qualities that define what is a boy and what is a girl. Unfortunately society tells that girls NEED to wear pink, wear dresses, must giggle, form sisterhood, like chocolates, must be super sensitive, swing between extreme emotions, be delicate, do art work, talk about their feelings, give up things for the greater good, be responsible, be gentle, be caring…… Back to good teachers/guides, these good adults must bear in mind that young children gravitate to pink and pretty because in their flexible minds, if they do not they are not girls. Unfortunately the adults, innocently endorse this thinking that it is a phase. Yes it is a phase, but if dealt blindly becomes a way of being, way of existence. All it takes -sensible adults to keep reassuring that sex is a biological thing and does not change no matter what. Just like good teachers, good parents must expose their children to both ‘boy stuff’ and ‘girlie stuff’.
Media, again like the departmental stores works with the sole principle of making money. Boys play rough/girls read books and do crafts -> publish more books for girls with girls as central characters and balls/blocks and video games for boys. Now come in the unsuspecting adults, who look at the choices available – ‘Make your own friendship bracelets kit with pictures of a pretty girl’, Cam Jansen, Fancy Nancy in full splendor, ‘Monopoly in pink – special girls edition with boutiques and malls instead of hotels and  houses’, designer edition pink Scrabble, Uno special pink edition… and end up thinking this is what girls need and inadvertently end up feeding the loop. Whose brilliant idea is it to sell Monopoly in pink? What is this message that girls must shop and spend money at the mall while boys get to do large motor activity, running around, playing regular Monopoly and developing their spacial skills? Why define pink is for girls and then sell pink board games and giving the message that girls play with girls and boy play with boys? Who exactly dictates that boys need to be powerful and play ball while girls need to be passive aggressive and shop?

Then this unique Indian message. The MIL switches the TV on and there is a lady lecturing that, the woman’s place is behind the man and by supporting the man she can better herself. She goes on telling the story of Valluvar’s wife Vasuki who defied gravity. At a point it gets to me, the mother of two girls and I end up buying Paper Bag Princess where the Princess not only saves the goofball of a prince but also ends up calling him a bum and walks out alone. Do I want to my daughters to end up alone? No, but I feel that is much better than being a Vasuki or a dainty princess. This is exactly how aggressive feminism grows. The past six years I have heard nothing but the roles and duties girls. Come on, my child is still pooping in her diapers and you tell me, ‘It is good to have a girl child first, she will be responsible and take care of the boy who will come next’?

That is why K’s mom, it is up to us, parents to stand up for our children, so that they can be well rounded individuals, have a full life, without any hatred for the opposite sex, choose professions that they are passionate about rather than to fit the bill and be sensitive. We as parents must put thought in to what we buy and what we endorse. Rather than picking the best of the worst, we must demand quality. If we let the advertising industry and corporates dictate what we need to buy for our children, we(men and women) might as well part ways, move to Mars and Venus and live happily ever after.

Reading suggestions: CINDERELLA ATE MY DAUGHTER by PEGGY ORENSTEIN. Words can’t tell how much I enjoyed and learned from this book. Five stars and a must read for all parents, irrespective of the sex of your child.

Previously blogged

Sexualization Of Young Children

Are men really from Mars and women from Venus?

XX vs XY

(Picture courtesy : WikiMedia)

My first conscious Raja Ravi Verma sighting at Salar Jung.

By the way, what you see on the web is no match for the original. It was pure genius. I mean look at her…. coy, playing with the flower, fully aware of the set of eyes on her. He has probably made his move and is waiting for her to respond or may be he is just content standing there and looking at her. Are they married or lovers? Something makes me think they are newly married couple trying to get away from a big joint family. What do you thing peeps?

Part 7 of many.

All posts from this series.

Tharini, this is for you. What now seems like ages ago, I promised you that I will do a post on setting up an art space for children. Months passed and you have already created an art space for the boys….Better late than never and never to break promises….so here it goes.

Let us begin with the basic premises:
– It is the process, not the product.
– You are aware of your child’s age, capabilities and interests.

Age: Which means that your very young child will not have a sense of boundary. Provide her with a big canvas. Do not give her a 8 X 11 and expect her to create within it.
Interest: Some children do not like wet paint. It does not make them any less of an artist.

In my opinion for children age 2yrs – 6yrs, the popular art activities are play dough, cutting, pasting, crayons, wet paint, shaving cream, stamping. I have two or three variations of these in my art shelf and keep rotating them. A simple change paves way for new creative energy. Some typical things I rotate are

Playdough
Week1 – Play dough + roller and cookie cutter
Week2 – Play dough + moulds
Week3 – Playdough + extruder

Wet paint variations
Week1 – finger painting
Week2 – brushes
Week3 – spin art
Week4 – liquid water color

Regarding colors, there are philosophies about what we must give children. Montessori believes in starting with one color at a time, because the children must enjoy the process – fluidity of paint, hand eye coordination, brush control and learn their boundaries. Giving them too many colors distracts them from the process. The second step would be to give them the primary colors ONLY and let them create the secondary colors. Waldorf believes in chunky crayons in all colors and emphasizes pastels in their environment. So pick something practical that would work for you.

I knocked off the doors of a dining nook, which gave me two decent sized shelves. To organize, I picked up four file trays from IKEA. Right next to the shelves I placed our IKEA easel. Voila, our art space. Now some pictures for you.

Dining nook and file trays

Dining nook loaded with file trays

Dot colors in primary colors, regular markers, glitter markers, pencil, sharpner, flower paper puncher, eraser, scissors, tape

My dear green tub!

Crayons	Pencils
Play-doh	Stamps

One side printed paper, some collage material I find interesting, paper grocer bags cut and flattened, construction paper are the other supplies I have in the trays.

Good luck with your art space peeps!

Questions are good to have. Without questions we become stagnant, don’t we?

The major questions that are eating us inside out are:

Chula: Amma, if I get up at 3.00AM, do you think I will get ready in time for my bus?

Mieja: Why must I read? What is the big deal amma, because I don’t even like it.

Me: What next?

R: Your amma cooks three times a day, she says that her gas cylinder gets over in 30 – 35 days. ‘U’ says hers gets over in approximately 45 days. Our cylinder has been going strong for 62 days now. Why? Are you cooking enough?

PS: Our first cylinder got over yesterday, much to some one’s relief! At least one question got answered.

One Friday evening,
Two kids playing,
One kid trying to eat the other kid,
One kid running out giggling, banging the door shut,
One door lock released inadvertently,
One kid trapped inside the bedroom with the keys inside,
Two parents puzzled,
One parent giving instructions to the kid to open the lock from the inside,
One parent teaches the kid to slip the key under the door,
Two parents finding out that the key is not of any use,
One lock stuck,
One trapped kid amazingly calm and collected,
One kid giving running commentary from outside,
One parent slips a book under the door,
One parent puts the other kid down,
One kid goes to sleep by herself,
One trapped kid forgetting the situation and lost in the book,
One parent calling every one sundry,
One parent googling how to break lock,
One carpenter promising to come by 10.00AM the next day morning,
One parent asking carpenter to get lost,
Two plumbers arrive,
One hour passes by,
Two more plumbers arrive,
One hopelessly broken key,
One family friend runs outside the community and manages to find two carpenters,
Seven fully grown men breaking the door around the lock,
One kid peacefully sleeping inside,
One kid peacefully sleeping outside.
One house owner needs to be informed about the door.

Weekend has started with a bang, literally.

PS: 9.00PM – 10.00PM, there is so much noise and not one neighbor peeped outside to see what was going on!

Disclaimer

(1)It is not just iPad, but in general I am against any technology for the 0-9 age group.

(2)I am talking strictly for the 0-9 age group.

Ever since I read this, something has been brewing in my head and now I am fully convinced that technology is sensory deprivation for the 0-9 age group children.

My reasons.

(1)Young children need a warm adult human being to learn.

In 1960’s Harry Harlow, in order to study the human emotion of love, conducted a series of experiments with baby monkeys. He isolated many baby monkeys from their mother. Each of these baby monkeys were placed  in a cage. The cage contained a metal mesh, roughly shaped like a mama monkey, with a milk bottle attached to it. And a similar metal mesh wrapped in soft cotton, made plush, but with no nourishment of any sort. After many days of observation, Harlow concluded that all baby monkeys clearly preferred the cloth mother to the wire mother. The baby monkey would stay with the cloth mother running quickly to the wire mother to take a quick sip of milk and run back to the cloth mother. When the cloth monkey was removed from the cage, the baby monkeys became insecure and displayed panic and aggression(screaming, crying etc), over extended period of time some monkeys even died.

This kind of an experiment cannot be conducted on real human beings and the monkeys being very close to us in terms of evolution, this is proof enough for me. Children need a warm, living, talking human being to carry, touch, attend to the needs of the child, use voice with different modulations, exhibit a myriad of emotions, have unprogrammed response in order to nurture the child.

Revolutionizing the way how young children learn, by replacing the human interaction, even if it is only a part, with technology is not my cup of tea.

(2)The first thing that forms in the womb is the brain. Then the human body develops from the center to the extremities. That is growth is from the spinal cord/brain region to the limbs and finally to the digits. When a child is born she does not know that she has hands, legs, fingers and toes. Then over the first three years the child slowly discovers, understands and starts using her extremities.

The brain forming first is by no means an indication that the brain is fully developed at the time of birth. The brain at the time of birth is more like a perfectly planned city without ANY roads. How can one live in this city if there is no way to get from point A to point B? The roads are the neural networks. We need them to transmit electrical signals, to convey information, to access information, to connect something that we learnt long back in order to address the current problem at hand.

As the child grows so does her experience. The child discovers she has hands. This is an experience. She writes this in to her brain and forms certain neural networks.  The child discovers that her hands have some use, say pick up things. This is an experience. The already formed neural network is expanded or rewritten based on this new information. In a capsule, the brain is shaped and molded by the number of varied experiences a child has.

Using tech gizmo to learn her ABC or play with also an experience. But it is a one track experience, touch the screen, the next letter will be played, push this button the light will blink, pull the cord the siren will sound etc. There is no variation in the experience and there is neither scope for expansion of the network that is already formed nor any kind of rewriting of neural network that happens. Such learning is detrimental to the growing brain.

In very simple words, ‘THE MORE YOUR CHILD MOVES, THE MORE SHE LEARNS’. The way to a child’s brain is through unstructured gross motor movement and some simple fine motor movement.

(3)A machine is one size fits all and does not cater to children with difficulties perceiving certain patterns. Even a mild pattern perception problem, say for example your child is left handed instead of right handed, is not accounted for in many gizmos.

Having worked in a conventional school with traditional teaching methods, for a few months, I have seen first hand how a left hand child perceives the written letter differently. First of all we are talking about four year old children who do not get the very concept that letter is a symbolical representation of sound. Secondly we do not wait for the child’s hand muscles to develop, we expect them to write what is shown to them. Problems if any are addressed by repetition. This learning by rote rather than understanding can only go so far.

Where as children who are allowed to experience the symbol through body movements do much better. It is kind of an early intervention program, that acts on the weaker areas of the brain and strengthens it.

(4)The tech toys do not come cheap. Depending on the level of sophistication they leave a significant dent in your purse. As a generalization most of us have two children in a family. Do you buy two tech toys which means shelling out double the amount of money or do you buy one and expect the children to share?

If one truly believes that she is buying a tech toy to her child because she wants her child to learn, then by stipulating an usage time she insinuates that learning happens only during a specific time.

Okay the sharing business aside, parents expect children to sit at a place and play/learn with the gizmo without damaging the gizmo.  The child cannot open the gizmo, shake it, see what makes all this sound and movement to happen. Very fair expectation from the parent considering the price of the gizmo. You are teaching this child to merely enjoy the outcome, not to bother about how the whole shebang happens. Would you rather give your child a fish a day or teach your child to fish?

Young children need to see cause and effect and must also see that a varied cause makes a different effect. When you pour dry sand, this is how it falls. When you pour wet sand this is what happens. When you pour dry sand through a funnel, how does it fall? These are the simple and the most enriching experiences young children need.

(5)I am certainly worried about the radiation levels children are exposed to. Staring at a screen is very unnatural for the eyes. Again the brain develops in accordance to the signals it receives and a child exposed to TV/Kindle/iPad/iPhone grows up with a brain that is wired to see close by objects, looses interest in things that do not come with a sound and dance effect.

(6)I recently attended a lecture by Roland Steinemann and what he said was very interesting to me. While discussing what is the motivation of a child to learn, to go to school, he said that the till age 5 the main motivation for a child to learn is is the innate skill of every human being to imitate. Then till age 9/10 children learn because they love the teacher. After 10 is the stage where they learn for satisfying their curiosity.

Going by this logic, tech toys with programmed responses, which just throw information in your face, are much suitable for the 10+ age group.

(7)I have also heard the argument that this is the age of tech and if children are not introduced early on, they will loose out. Going by this argument Zuckerberg must have grown up with social networking and Larry Page must have grown up with search engines. All a child needs is unlimited imagination, curiosity to know and analyze things, determination and will to follow through.

For your further reading pleasure

Last Child In The Woods by Richard Louv

Power Of Play by David Elkind

Smart Play Smart Toys by Stevanne Auerbach

She had been wanting to see him for a long time now. She knew that she cannot go to his home and meet him. No, that would take too long. Way too long. And a lot of money. She even made a  trip to San Francisco to see if he was put up there. But no such luck. She had quietly resigned to the fact that the meeting may never happen, unless he visits her. Fat chance of that happening, for he has no inkling that she even exists!

And it happened! Out of the blue that too. He was in her city and she stumbled on the news by chance. Her husband was out the whole weekend, working, and she decided that this was THE time. She went, she met and was not disappointed.

“Amma, why did you bring us here to see the Chinaman? Why do we come to museums at all, instead of doing something else, like, may be go to the pool?” asked the younger child. “Because it is like a looking through a small window and see how things were thousands of years back. Some times we learn things that can be useful even today. Something we find something that is a clue to a mystery” she said.

“Amma, what did you learn from the terra-cotta warrior?” asked the older child. “That people have been living for thousands of years. Many of them did many wonderful things and then died. Some are remembered, some are not. But life goes on.” she said.

“So?!!! Was it worth it?” asked the husband. “See, it is not just one or two statues that gives me the kicks. The soldiers are symbolic representation of a way of life 2200 years back. Once I was there I felt a movie reel unwind in my mind. Yes, it was worth it.” she said.

Mieja: “Amma just get me a Barbie and a carrot. No, no, many, many carrots. Okay?”

Background information.

Amma, at some point of time: Carrots are good for you. They make you healthy and intelligent.

Amma, at all points of time: Barbies tell little girls that ONLY beauty is important.

A frustrated Amma, at some point of time: Playing with Barbies will make you stupid.

For more truly original thoughts visit here.

Living in India got to experience bandh right?! So highlights of the bandh.

Day 1:
* Parents caught unawares. Kids thoroughly kicked more because of the uncertainty than the actual holiday.

* All the critters climbing up and down all 11 floors, yelling and screaming. With the mixed age group comes different climbing speeds. So at a point there were multiple groups going up and down and extra screaming when opposite forces met. All the while we parents pretended that these children do not belong to us.

* After some time the kids got tired and decided they will only go down the stairs and come up using elevator. So they went to 11th floor, climbed down to 10, went up in elevator to 11, climbed down to 9, went up in elevator to 11 and climbed down to 8 etc. This master plan was (unfortunately) devised by Chula. The adults who managed to shrug off the inertia to get to work, were stuck in their respective floors because the elevators were jammed by the kids.

* All swimming pools and play grounds were full. So were the stair cases, elevators, parking lots, cricket pitch, basket ball courts, tennis courts and roller skating area. Which made me suspect that all kids in the city some how managed to come in to this community.

* On the way to the pediatrician saw multiple TV channels, vans with dish on top, reporters with mike, camera men…the whole nine yards, reporting in front of Hi-Tech city. Probably telling the world that the bandh has not affected this part of the city.

* Two children came home for play date and got prolonged to snack date, dinner date, story telling date, art work date, a mini fight, some tears, making up, extra love and begging their respective parents for extra play time.

* Two tired children who went extra early to sleep. One tired mom who decided to check out the idiot box. Chanced upon this Tamil soap where a three year old is the reincarnation of her grandma(the child’s mother’s MIL). Each is terrible standalone can you imagine this dreaded combination?!! Seriously, how do people come up with such original stuff?

Day 2:
* Better prepared parents. Many play dates were planned. So stair cases are quite, elevators are free. But there is mucho screaming and giggling sound from every apartment window. Again there seems to be at least 25 kids in every apartment and yet the average is only two children/apartment. See…. the numbers don’t add up.

* My free day today, the children are out of the house till PM. I plan to check out this. So wanted to lay my hands on this book post Harini’s review. I threatened the children that they better behave and not fight and N.O.T come back home( there was much emphasis on the last part) and cut my me-time short.

Ciao good people, got to go enjoy the rest of my bandh.