– Met Uma and it was great. It was nice of her to stop by for a quick chat session, much to the cabbie’s dislike, on the way to the airport. She got the kids awesome scrap books made out of hand made paper. I have put it away for a rainy day craft activity. We talked like we knew each other for ages. Kids behaved. So all in all a good meet.

– Are you ready for CROCUS2011? At Saffron Tree we are busy over working our keypads and gearing up for CROCUS2011. ST is turning five and the CROCUS theme for 2011 incorporates our birthday. ST is five and the theme is ‘THE FIVE ELEMENTS – EARTH, AIR, FIRE, SPACE, WATER’. Stay tuned with us and you will not be disappointed. We are bringing our A-game, you guys prep your cozy reading chair. 7 days of back to back reviews, the famous CROCUSword, teacher resources, art, activities and much more.

 

– Mieja is in to making money for some reason. Of course I do tell her often that things do not grow on trees and that we have to work hard to buy things. After buying money from Target, her next idea was to grow a money tree in our back yard. The most recent in this unique line of thinking is, ‘Amma, let us sell the market. There are so many things in a market right?! If we sell the whole market, then we will get lots of money right?!’ Soon she will be selling me. The day is not too far.

– Chula….. something is going on. With every day, she is living a little bit more inside her own head. There is lots of dreaming, thinking, drawing, reading, shutting off her links to the world outside going on. Some of her pictures blew my breath away. She is drawing Little Mermaid scenes. Shading with her pastels, looking at it from right-left, top-bottom, just a shade here a shade there. Perfecting it, sometimes after spending hours on a picture deciding to throw it away and starting it from scratch. Finally when she is happy showing it off to me and asking me to frame it.

– Uma tagged me for Mommy Guilt, few months ago. When she met me, she was nice not to smack me on my head as I am still sitting on it. So here it is.

With every day, my priority in life is getting defined over and over again. Now it is clear – my personal space, kids, house keeping, thousand mundane things, at the very last bringing up the rear, cooking. The bandh and the kids lounging at home played a major role how this priority list got shaped up. The kids are no longer allowed to play inside the house. They have strict instructions to play in the corridor and to eat what is put on their plate at the time it is put on the plate or else wait till the next scheduled eating/snacking time. There have been few occasions in the past month, when they were hungry and I ruthlessly, said no to the unscheduled snack quoting that they nibbled their lunch and now have to wait for another hour for their milk/buttermilk.

If there is fresh made hot rice or idlis, I get first dibs. I have often fed the kids left over rice and kept the fresh made rice for myself.

I maintain it is for the greater good and do not feel an inkling of guilt.

– Went to Ohri’s Nautanki Gali. It gave me the impression of ‘wanna be a good restaurant’. The food was aplenty, the waiters were super nice. But felt as if something was missing. We sat in an auto and ate our dinner, definitely a high point for kids. I was not too kicked about the general garish do and loud music. Food was so-so. High point of the buffet seems to be the chocolate fountain, though the fountain looked watery.They also have Rajasthani style puppet show, but the puppets were resting when we went.

– Went to Skandagiri temple in Secunderabad. Major renovation going on. So I had to watch the kids like a hawk. Right next to the temple was a branch of Giri Trading. They have golu dolls,  marapachis, all types of pooja items, devotional CDs/DVDs/books, golu stand etc. In general gave me a Mylapore/Saidapet feel. Also next to the temple an Anjeneya temple by Kanchi mutt.

 

 

 

Dear Dot,

I am doing fine. I wish you were fine too. I wish ‘we’ are fine.

Let me be upfront and confess that I used to be in love with you. You were my guiding force. When I was totally lost, you always saw me through. You set me in the right direction. You gave me security and a sense of calm. I assumed that you will always be there for me. Sadly it is not to be.

Of late I am not able to trust you. I find that you are lost yourself. If so, how can you be my guide? Many a times you are not even present and no matter how many times I call you, you simply do not answer my call. It really scares me when you wander off, shut me off completely and stay cold and remote.

Consider this an an intervention. You need to take care of yourself. You used to be a petite, healthy looking, cool to the eye blue dot. Have you seen yourself when you wander? You look enormous and fill my entire field of vision. Sorry to hurt you…… but you have become a blob.

Life is full of crossroads, side lanes, short cuts, fly overs, over passes and under passes. When we are at a cross road, all we need to is to get complete information and choose a clear path. Considering that you ALWAYS see the bigger picture and get your information from a higher source, it is not that difficult. But off late I find you getting frustrated. You ask  innocent people like me who have infinite trust in your wisdom, to simply climb a bridge and jump down. Is this fair? Sigh.

Hope you improve soon. Until then I will check on you, but not trust you.
Yours truely
UTBT.

PS: So…… you people want me to tell you what this is about? Or are you guys game to make wild guesses?

 

EDITED TO ADD

It is the Google maps app on iPhone. The blue dot marks my position. Used to help direction challenged me. Even if I had the directions, the blue dot was my favorite because it tells me if I am staying on the right path or if I missed a turn and some place else.

Many of you guessed it right.

The blue dot is absolutely frustrating. Bloody thing does NOT understand the concept of flyover and underpasses. It asks me to climb up the flyover and jump down the other side.

Google maps gives random directions like, ‘Make left at Big Boss Cafe’. I am thinking it is a ‘super’ land mark considering Google has it in its map. Big Boss Cafe contrary to its name is nothing but a ‘potti kadai’ and I have missed it because the name board is written in Teulgu.

I look at the blue dot, it is on the purple path and I am thinking, ‘Wow, we are on track, we are yet to reach Radha Bangle shop and then we have to make the right.’ Suddenly, the blue dot jumps three girds and swells up to a blue hazy region. I have no clue where I am, because in Hyderabad they do not believe in writing address on the name boards(of course the few shops that do, have it in Telugu, Murphy’s law).

Day before yesterday, thanks to Google maps, I directed R in to a lane that was exactly 6 feet wide. 6 feet. There we are struggling to make a u-turn and get out of the lane, yes u-turn in a 6 feet lane, one corolla, one scorpio, zillion bicycles and trillion autos zoomed in from all directions and froze us. Yes scorpio in a 6 feet lane and we bleedy peeples thought we cannot drive our i10 through it!

Two days back, we were trying to get to the main road from the Secunderabad murugan temple and it took us to the cemetery. I think Google maps has given up giving us subtle messages to discourage us from using it, now it has started giving explicit threats!

 

Questions are good to have. Without questions we become stagnant, don’t we?

The major questions that are eating us inside out are:

Chula: Amma, if I get up at 3.00AM, do you think I will get ready in time for my bus?

Mieja: Why must I read? What is the big deal amma, because I don’t even like it.

Me: What next?

R: Your amma cooks three times a day, she says that her gas cylinder gets over in 30 – 35 days. ‘U’ says hers gets over in approximately 45 days. Our cylinder has been going strong for 62 days now. Why? Are you cooking enough?

PS: Our first cylinder got over yesterday, much to some one’s relief! At least one question got answered.

Disclaimer

(1)It is not just iPad, but in general I am against any technology for the 0-9 age group.

(2)I am talking strictly for the 0-9 age group.

Ever since I read this, something has been brewing in my head and now I am fully convinced that technology is sensory deprivation for the 0-9 age group children.

My reasons.

(1)Young children need a warm adult human being to learn.

In 1960’s Harry Harlow, in order to study the human emotion of love, conducted a series of experiments with baby monkeys. He isolated many baby monkeys from their mother. Each of these baby monkeys were placed  in a cage. The cage contained a metal mesh, roughly shaped like a mama monkey, with a milk bottle attached to it. And a similar metal mesh wrapped in soft cotton, made plush, but with no nourishment of any sort. After many days of observation, Harlow concluded that all baby monkeys clearly preferred the cloth mother to the wire mother. The baby monkey would stay with the cloth mother running quickly to the wire mother to take a quick sip of milk and run back to the cloth mother. When the cloth monkey was removed from the cage, the baby monkeys became insecure and displayed panic and aggression(screaming, crying etc), over extended period of time some monkeys even died.

This kind of an experiment cannot be conducted on real human beings and the monkeys being very close to us in terms of evolution, this is proof enough for me. Children need a warm, living, talking human being to carry, touch, attend to the needs of the child, use voice with different modulations, exhibit a myriad of emotions, have unprogrammed response in order to nurture the child.

Revolutionizing the way how young children learn, by replacing the human interaction, even if it is only a part, with technology is not my cup of tea.

(2)The first thing that forms in the womb is the brain. Then the human body develops from the center to the extremities. That is growth is from the spinal cord/brain region to the limbs and finally to the digits. When a child is born she does not know that she has hands, legs, fingers and toes. Then over the first three years the child slowly discovers, understands and starts using her extremities.

The brain forming first is by no means an indication that the brain is fully developed at the time of birth. The brain at the time of birth is more like a perfectly planned city without ANY roads. How can one live in this city if there is no way to get from point A to point B? The roads are the neural networks. We need them to transmit electrical signals, to convey information, to access information, to connect something that we learnt long back in order to address the current problem at hand.

As the child grows so does her experience. The child discovers she has hands. This is an experience. She writes this in to her brain and forms certain neural networks.  The child discovers that her hands have some use, say pick up things. This is an experience. The already formed neural network is expanded or rewritten based on this new information. In a capsule, the brain is shaped and molded by the number of varied experiences a child has.

Using tech gizmo to learn her ABC or play with also an experience. But it is a one track experience, touch the screen, the next letter will be played, push this button the light will blink, pull the cord the siren will sound etc. There is no variation in the experience and there is neither scope for expansion of the network that is already formed nor any kind of rewriting of neural network that happens. Such learning is detrimental to the growing brain.

In very simple words, ‘THE MORE YOUR CHILD MOVES, THE MORE SHE LEARNS’. The way to a child’s brain is through unstructured gross motor movement and some simple fine motor movement.

(3)A machine is one size fits all and does not cater to children with difficulties perceiving certain patterns. Even a mild pattern perception problem, say for example your child is left handed instead of right handed, is not accounted for in many gizmos.

Having worked in a conventional school with traditional teaching methods, for a few months, I have seen first hand how a left hand child perceives the written letter differently. First of all we are talking about four year old children who do not get the very concept that letter is a symbolical representation of sound. Secondly we do not wait for the child’s hand muscles to develop, we expect them to write what is shown to them. Problems if any are addressed by repetition. This learning by rote rather than understanding can only go so far.

Where as children who are allowed to experience the symbol through body movements do much better. It is kind of an early intervention program, that acts on the weaker areas of the brain and strengthens it.

(4)The tech toys do not come cheap. Depending on the level of sophistication they leave a significant dent in your purse. As a generalization most of us have two children in a family. Do you buy two tech toys which means shelling out double the amount of money or do you buy one and expect the children to share?

If one truly believes that she is buying a tech toy to her child because she wants her child to learn, then by stipulating an usage time she insinuates that learning happens only during a specific time.

Okay the sharing business aside, parents expect children to sit at a place and play/learn with the gizmo without damaging the gizmo.  The child cannot open the gizmo, shake it, see what makes all this sound and movement to happen. Very fair expectation from the parent considering the price of the gizmo. You are teaching this child to merely enjoy the outcome, not to bother about how the whole shebang happens. Would you rather give your child a fish a day or teach your child to fish?

Young children need to see cause and effect and must also see that a varied cause makes a different effect. When you pour dry sand, this is how it falls. When you pour wet sand this is what happens. When you pour dry sand through a funnel, how does it fall? These are the simple and the most enriching experiences young children need.

(5)I am certainly worried about the radiation levels children are exposed to. Staring at a screen is very unnatural for the eyes. Again the brain develops in accordance to the signals it receives and a child exposed to TV/Kindle/iPad/iPhone grows up with a brain that is wired to see close by objects, looses interest in things that do not come with a sound and dance effect.

(6)I recently attended a lecture by Roland Steinemann and what he said was very interesting to me. While discussing what is the motivation of a child to learn, to go to school, he said that the till age 5 the main motivation for a child to learn is is the innate skill of every human being to imitate. Then till age 9/10 children learn because they love the teacher. After 10 is the stage where they learn for satisfying their curiosity.

Going by this logic, tech toys with programmed responses, which just throw information in your face, are much suitable for the 10+ age group.

(7)I have also heard the argument that this is the age of tech and if children are not introduced early on, they will loose out. Going by this argument Zuckerberg must have grown up with social networking and Larry Page must have grown up with search engines. All a child needs is unlimited imagination, curiosity to know and analyze things, determination and will to follow through.

For your further reading pleasure

Last Child In The Woods by Richard Louv

Power Of Play by David Elkind

Smart Play Smart Toys by Stevanne Auerbach

Living in India got to experience bandh right?! So highlights of the bandh.

Day 1:
* Parents caught unawares. Kids thoroughly kicked more because of the uncertainty than the actual holiday.

* All the critters climbing up and down all 11 floors, yelling and screaming. With the mixed age group comes different climbing speeds. So at a point there were multiple groups going up and down and extra screaming when opposite forces met. All the while we parents pretended that these children do not belong to us.

* After some time the kids got tired and decided they will only go down the stairs and come up using elevator. So they went to 11th floor, climbed down to 10, went up in elevator to 11, climbed down to 9, went up in elevator to 11 and climbed down to 8 etc. This master plan was (unfortunately) devised by Chula. The adults who managed to shrug off the inertia to get to work, were stuck in their respective floors because the elevators were jammed by the kids.

* All swimming pools and play grounds were full. So were the stair cases, elevators, parking lots, cricket pitch, basket ball courts, tennis courts and roller skating area. Which made me suspect that all kids in the city some how managed to come in to this community.

* On the way to the pediatrician saw multiple TV channels, vans with dish on top, reporters with mike, camera men…the whole nine yards, reporting in front of Hi-Tech city. Probably telling the world that the bandh has not affected this part of the city.

* Two children came home for play date and got prolonged to snack date, dinner date, story telling date, art work date, a mini fight, some tears, making up, extra love and begging their respective parents for extra play time.

* Two tired children who went extra early to sleep. One tired mom who decided to check out the idiot box. Chanced upon this Tamil soap where a three year old is the reincarnation of her grandma(the child’s mother’s MIL). Each is terrible standalone can you imagine this dreaded combination?!! Seriously, how do people come up with such original stuff?

Day 2:
* Better prepared parents. Many play dates were planned. So stair cases are quite, elevators are free. But there is mucho screaming and giggling sound from every apartment window. Again there seems to be at least 25 kids in every apartment and yet the average is only two children/apartment. See…. the numbers don’t add up.

* My free day today, the children are out of the house till PM. I plan to check out this. So wanted to lay my hands on this book post Harini’s review. I threatened the children that they better behave and not fight and N.O.T come back home( there was much emphasis on the last part) and cut my me-time short.

Ciao good people, got to go enjoy the rest of my bandh.

The thing about settling down to a life in India is that, no matter how much one is prepared, there is always a hidden factor that throws your loop out of sync. For example, the community we live in, is well serviced and plumbers come to your door step in minutes etc. But that does not mean that your bathroom leak will be fixed ASAP. (Read in IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE style)

If your bathroom has a leak,
The plumber will most probably say that it is because of the water heater.
If you call the water heater repair technician,
He will respond in about 24 hours.
If the water heater technician inspects the unit,
He would most probably be the person who changes ONLY the coils and points you to another person.
If after 10 phone calls you get the other person,
He would say that he cannot do anything till he speaks to the first technician who came ti inspect the unit.
If you make a date for the two,
The both will agree that a replacement unit needs to be ordered.
If you ask them to do it,
They will do it and say that the response time is 7 – 10 business days.
If you try calling them in between to find out the status,
They will not pick up the phone.

Mean while water is turned off in your bathrooms. Currently we have one bathroom in which the only the toilet works, one bathroom in which only the sink works and one bathroom in which only shower/heater works. All this gets to you at certain point of time and you go immerse yourself in Bikanervala chaat.

Three words – Bikanervala – chaat – yuuuuuum. Thanks A-kay for mentioning it. We were en-route to QMart @ Banjara Hills and I saw Bikanervala, decided to scratch Qmart and indulge our palate. Of course the fact that we were completely lost and were rather hopeless about finding QMart was a big factor in the sudden change of plans. The ground floor is fast food style. You order, pay, self serve. Seating management is streamlined by staff. Some one takes your name and then calls you in about 15 or so minutes, this on a sunday night, peak crowd. If you don’t want to wait, they also have a sit down restaurant upstairs. Of course pricing is up-marked. I did my hallmark test – Bhelpoori, pani poori and ragada, order and assess. The result was out in flying colors. The kids enjoyed the bhelpoori and there wasn’t much left for me. Mieja approved the kesar pista kulfi. The rad thing we did is to give the kids filtered water from the restaurant instead of ordering bottled water. I mentioned to R in passing that the next thing for me to do is to order bhelpoori from street vendor. He thinks it is a joke.

Right next door to Bikanervala is Karachi Bakery. Chula(yeah, she is such a sport*) and I dived in to the traffic at Road#1, jumped over the divider to go to Karachi biscuits. I think that says it all 🙂

But for the Rs.25 entrance fee and Rs.20 parking fee, I can totally see myself living in Shilparambam. I have my eye on some of the craft classes they offer. I did mention to R that I am going to take a block printing class and make curtains for the house, the way I want it. Again, he thinks it is a joke. I found some awesome Pathachitra artists, Madhubani artist, Kondapalli dolls and Channapatna toys. The Madhubani artist was super thrilled that I knew the name of the art form and offered me a seat to sit and watch him do the work. He forbid me from taking video/pictures though. I was doing a mini interview of sorts with him. Also found in Shilparambam this cool easy chair at a wood working shop. And some clay pots. And some trinkets. And kurtis. And shawls. And bags. And….

One thing I was sure I would miss from US is Amazon. Apparently not. I am now in Flipkart heaven. Excellent customer service, hassle free ordering and good prices. They have something called cash on delivery(COD) and I am taking full advantage of it. I have already exhausted my self imposed cash limit for book ordering for this month and waiting for July to use up my next month’s quota.

The only good thing that can come out of the situation where your child comes home with a palm sized and growing, red, hard, painful, itchy swelling on her hip is that you get to experience first hand the working styles of pediatricians. We went to couple and liked the later. So that has been sorted out. Phew!

*On the subject of crossing roads, while visiting clinics, we had to cross a busy intersection. Mieja was very scared and after the experience she told me, ‘Amma, if an auto hits me, I could die. Did you even think about that?’. See why I called Chula a sport?!

When my child is eating, all by herself, without any fuss what so ever is the time I feel like putting her on my lap and feeding her.

For all the talk about how I want them to be independent, I equally agonize that they have to go and come back by school bus. And if I am late by even a minute to pick them up when they are dropped off from the school bus I imagine that they are lonely and vulnerable and get stressed.

For all the encouragement I give Chula about reading and take pride in the fact that she reads with passion, I also tell her that she need not read every single print she sets her eyes on, especially my emails and blog posts!

After agonizing over the bed time, battling them and after putting in so much effort in making the children sleep, I feel the most love for them when they are finally asleep and can’t wait for them to get up.

When they need me most to engage them is the time I am hard pressed to finish something and expect them to play by themselves.

Ideally I want the children to dream, dream big, imagine and fantasize. But when Chula is elbow deep in her dream, completely lost in a world of her own, which unfortunately coincides with strict time lines like school bus leaving in another five minutes is when I have to shake her out of her dream and point out the usefulness of being practical.

After harping a lot about being kind and every one doing their bit to help other people, one is forced to give their children a big lecture about how giving money to every single person begging on the road is not possible, does not help them, does not eradicate poverty.

I made a resolution to not stress on the birth order, mainly because the older one is only 18 months older. But am now forced to tell the younger one not to compare herself with her sister and agonize over the things she cannot do as well as her sister because….well her sister is 18 months older than her.

I am forced to tell Chula that she does not have to sign a bond of friendship in blood with every child she ever sets her eyes on and expect the same level of commitment from the other child. Right after this I have to tell Meija that she needs to be more open, let people close to her otherwise she cannot make friends.

I have to stress time and again that they have to give their 100% in every single thing they do, that is all that matters and be in the position to eat my words and tell them to finish certain things ASAP as it is not worth this much of their time, patience and energy.

I have told them to be wary of strangers and also be courteous to strangers, sometimes these sentences are back to back.

I tell them that they can help me in household work and when I find that at times I have to help them to help me, I take it back.

Again it was R who said, ‘Well…Meija is leaving school too. She needs to be recognized and it needs to be a separate ceremony. This child cannot be in her sister’s shadow all the time.’ We were never expecting this and were super thrilled, most of all Mieja was very excited. She chirped to all who cared to listen that she was going to have a circle goodbye ceremony. We decided on a small ceremony in circle where the children sang a small song, the teachers talked about the significance of the song and the children shared their views on friendship.

Getting to say proper goodbye, however painful it is, is an absolute necessity, especially for children. They learn that their old friends did not just vanish, but are still there and it gives them the confidence to make new friends in the new environment.

Here is to the (g)old and new.

Make new new friends
But keep the old
One is silver
But the other is gold.
A circle is round
It has no end
Thats for how long I want to be your friend.

When we first told Chula’s class teacher(also the school founder) that we are planning to move to India, R’s first question was, ‘Of course only after she finishes her graduation ceremony with us right? Because you know how much she is looking forward to graduating’. When R found out that it was not the case, she was more upset than us. She said, ‘Its only a month, so leave her with me, she can graduate and then join you guys in India’, we both laughed it off and pretended that it was not a serious offer. Two days later she asked me again if we are serious about moving before the graduation. We were, with school starting in India on June 13th, I wanted a month in between to settle down. ‘Well, in that case’ said R, ‘Chula will have a graduation. A special one, a proper one, with all bells and whistles. Even if she is the only child who is graduating in this ceremony, we will not cut any corners. The child deserves it.’

So the school sent a letter to all parents that Chula will have a special graduation. From time to time they discussed in circle time about what would be a fitting farewell for Chula and Mieja. Ideas were pooled, teachers made a special graduation hat and the children practiced their songs. Chula wore the school’s traditional graduation attire, sang songs, recited a poem, did a special Indian folk dance and made a ‘WHO AM I?’ poster. It was a touching ceremony. Almost all the adults present cried. Who wouldn’t when you hear a bunch of children singing this?

Iam a child by child1

PS1: This is 1/5 songs the children sang.

PS2: Mieja wasn’t left out. G Is For Gold(And Silver) follows soon.

We got water.

We have been relying very much on Team-BHP for car reviews, comparisons and such. But if you want to post a query, then plan ahead. These guys are serious about the content that goes on their website. They take a week to approve your registration.

We came across an organic exhibition collaborated by Deccan Development Society, Sahaja Aharam and Chetna Organics. Apparently every Wednesday they bring their vegetable truck to our apartment. Also there are options to order small/large vegetable basket. Their price chart seems nominal. I compared their prices for rice, jaggery, pulses and flour with Hypercity prices and the difference was less than Rs10/item. Also found 24Letter Mantra on web through MetroMela reviews. Will try out all the three places and update.

Search is on for organic milk, but I am not hopeful. The habit of getting a gallon of milk and having it at my disposal in the fridge for a week is very much second nature to me. So this half liter milk packet business is going to take a while for me to get used to. Since Mieja is still not over her lactose intolerance thing, I am buying soy milk cartons and masala buttermilk cartons for the children. At least two members out of the variable for now.

The amount of added sugar in the flavored milk, soy milk and butter milk is appalling. I find myself reading the nutrition content over and over again.

Have you read the Roscoe Riley series? The titles go ‘Never glue your friends to chairs’, ‘Never trade your sweater for a dog’ and so on. Hilarious books, much enjoyed by Chula. Along those lines, if I were to write a book and want the title to say it all, it would be, ‘NEVER TAKE YOUR CHILDREN WHEN YOU BUY UNDERWEAR FOR YOURSELF’.